Welcome back to our Walking Dead Power Rankings. The Walking Dead is finally back as it wraps up the 4th season and Pegboard is finally back to attempt to predict the deaths of our favorite zombie slayers. At mid season finale Jesse and I are tied at 36 points each.
(Note: Each week Jesse and I will rank the Walking Dead characters from least likely to die to most likely to die. If a character does perish then we earn points. For instance if Glenn dies this week then Jesse will have 7 points and I will have 6 points.)
- Daryl- This week’s power rankings are actually pretty refreshing to me. For the first time this season I feel like you could think of a scenario for every character’s demise. Except Daryl. No, we didn’t get a chance to see our favorite arrow slinging, ass kicking hero in the latest episode, but nonetheless I feel pretty good about his chances.
- Maggie- I feel like the writers really want us to believe that the Maggie/Glenn romance will end in tragedy soon. But it feels like they have been trying too hard to put this fear into the audience. They keep teasing but never committing. Well things are pretty bad for our lovebirds at this point. So maybe this is finally the moment. The only scenario I see Maggie dying in is if she sacrifices herself for Glenn. I assume she would be thrilled to because why would she want to live in a world without her father and her fiance? Especially since she had a front seat to her dad’s gruesome death. If Glenn does go then look out for Maggie to lose her mind a la Rick.
- Carl- Listen, I understand puberty and I get that it hits kids pretty hard. But I was still shocked by Carl’s transformation in the previous episode. Not only is his teenage angst in full throttle, he also seemed to have shot up a few inches over night. I found myself impressed with this character’s development. Unfortunately I was probably only impressed because he is finally doing something. Honestly though, the angst, frustration and cockiness he displayed has been building for quite a while now and I enjoyed watching it unfold. He needed to get his ass kicked without his dad around, he also needed to go out on his own, even temporarily. And I also enjoyed as he reflected on the normal, suburban life that was taken away from him. The smile he had while exploring the (presumed) teenager’s bedroom and his hanging out on the roof eating pudding said a lot about what he is going through without him saying a single word. It is tough being a kid in the zombie apocalypse. The reason I have him so high on the list is because I would hate to see them kill off a character they finally started developing. Plus the future needs kids right?
- Judith- Ahh speaking of the future. Here we are with Lil Ass Kicker. MIA, presumed dead. But let’s get real. If Judith was dead we would have totally seen a baby zombie. You think the writers would pass up that morality situation? Not a chance. So Judith is most likely out there alive and crawling (in a baby way, not a zombie way). The only question is with whom? Did her ever reliable baby sitter (Beth) grab her? Perhaps Maggie? I’m not sure but I know this kid will be around for awhile. Otherwise what was the point of her? Judith’s mother sacrificed her life for the baby. And the baby represents the future. So Judith is sticking around for quite some time.
- Carol- Where in the world is Carol? I like to imagine that she got the bright idea to make her way toward Florida. Now she is just sun bathing on the beach enjoying a comfortable life of happiness. It would make sense for everyone to move to Florida. With their backs to the ocean they only have to worry about walkers from one side. Plus imagine all of the abandoned beach houses! Build walls and traps around those! Not a crummy jail! Anyway I am sure Carol will find her way back to the group (or part of the group) before she meets her demise. For now, she is safe.
- Lizzie- I am still fixated that Lizzie only exists for Carol’s benefit. For that reasoning alone I am attaching her to Carol’s spot until further notice. She will be around until Carol comes back. When that happens I am sure Lizzie will plummet to the bottom of the list.
- Glenn- Glenn seems to be in bad shape. But it would be so selfish of him to die right now. Maggie’s father just passed and Glenn just made a commitment to Maggie. He wouldn’t do that to her in her moment of need would he? In all seriousness I am unable to fully read the Maggie-Glenn situation. To me the show needs them. They are the only beacon of hope these people have. At the same time it is boring to see two people in love surviving zombies without a scratch or a scare. I’m putting Glenn right in the middle as the logic side of my brain fights the story-telling side of my brain.
- Tara- I actually like Tara’s potential. Other than her naivety regarding the Governor I think she could become an interesting character. And since she survived the Prison Wars I am sure she will be around for some time at least.
- Rick- This is the worst state (physically) we have seen Rick in since he woke up in a hospital bed. And unfortunately for him all he has for doctors are his bratty, temper-tantrum-throwing son and his comic book buddy. Maybe Michonne can cut away Rick’s injuries with her sword? I mean, that is her only talent other than monk-like silence right? Unfortunately for Rick, he really should be in an ICU ward right now. Fortunately for Rick, he is the main character and will probably make a Ray Lewis esque recover here shortly.
- Tyreese- I DON’T KNOW! I GIVE UP UNDERSTANDING WHAT IS AND ISN’T GOING ON WITH THIS GUY!!!
- Michonne- Ahem, excuse my caps lock. Michonne nearly went ‘Lost’ on us with what appeared to be a flashback of her previous life before the
islandzombies. Until some weird stuff occurred and the audience realized it was a dream (and to be honest I was really impressed with her knife holder that had a special spot for her katana before I realized my bone-headedness). Still some of her past was revealed and it was refreshing to see Michonne as a real person. I believe this insight is a clue that her death is around the corner. I can’t explain it but I don’t like her odds. (Side note: I spent a good 5 minutes trying to explain why her zombie pets walk in front of her and mask her smell to my fiance. I never realized how illogical it was until I saw her bewildered expression as I said, “she is making them walk in front of her because she cut off their jaws and maybe their nose and so maybe they can’t smell her and and…and I DON’T KNOW CARRIE, THEY JUST DO ALRIGHT?”).
- Beth- I am putting Beth so low on this list for many reasons. First, she was suicidal when her dad was alive and they were living in the comfort of their own home. Second, she never has shown a second of interest in Carl. Third, her entire purpose for existence seems to be to baby sit a might be dead baby and to sing. Fourth, no one can sing after watching their dad’s throat get sliced. Like I said, it’s tough growing up in the zombie apocalypse.
- Sasha- Who? Exactly! I didn’t realize she was still around until I saw the preview for next episode. The writers either have a lot of work in front of them to fix Sasha and Tyreese or they need to kill them off already and let us move on.
- Bob- I am sorry but I am frustrated that we have to keep including him on this. His time is obviously limited. Unless he is the new go to doctor. Because I think he has some experience in that capacity. I honestly don’t remember. Because he bores me. And makes me want to drink.
- Lilly- Her daughter is dead, as is her recent lover. I don’t see any purpose left for her other than a slim possibility of fixing what Andrea messed up. She could take the role that Andrea should have had (strong, independent woman). But I doubt that. She is most likely around to help set up Tara as a lasting character in the group.
- Daryl – Ah hell, is it really necessary to rank Daryl anymore? Don’t get me wrong, I love our rankings and I can thank Kevin for coming up with the idea, but at this point whenever it comes time to think of a different reason why Norman Reedus will always have a job as long as this show is on the air, I find myself thinking of all the other things I could be doing with these precious few minutes. Getting a snack or taking a short nap are the first things that come to mind.
- Carl – I have to admit, when John Connor escaped that walker last week and treated himself to some pudding, I was laughing my ass off. Not that there’s anything wrong with pudding, but that whole sequence just tickled me: John Connor stuffing his face on the roof, the cheesy, uplifting music that played while he was doing it and the still “living” walker who was reaching out through the window that John Connor couldn’t get open before. Maybe I haven’t seen a comedy for a while or I’m just weird, but damn I just couldn’t help myself. I busted a gut.
- Carol – (Funny tidbit. I forgot what Kevin had written for Carol and went ahead and wrote this, which is the same opening line he used for his portion. I’m not for ripping somebody off or anything, but it seemed like a sign from the cosmos man. I had to keep it.) Where in the world is Carol… man I can’t even think of her last name. Now that I mention it, you rarely ever hear last names in the Zombie Apocalypse. Not only does this increase the likelihood for having cases of mistaken identity, but who’s to stop some prankster from having a different last name every day? Shit it’s what Kevin and I would do. Also, I’m in agreement with my co-editor Kevin Garnett; I don’t know when Carol will be back, but it won’t be her last hurrah when she makes her anticipated return.
- Lizzie – As much as it freaks me out to watch her be all creepy and whatnot, the smart thing to do with Lizzy is have her go in full demon child mode. Literally give us the most terrifying kid that we could imagine, because that’s honestly how most kids would turn out if everything around them went to shit all at once. Gunning down Tara’s girlfriend at the prison was a good start.
- Michonne – In case you skimmed through our intro and missed it (thanks dick), it’s important to point out that Kevin and I are tied at 36 points. You know what Julie the Cat says about ties: “Ties are boring. They’re like kissing your brother.” Now if I have the balls to bust out quotes from the almost embarrassingly melodramatic “D3: The Mighty Ducks,” then I definitely have the guts to take some risks with my rankings. Maybe it’ll come back to bite me in the ass, but at least it will spare us from having to think of tiebreakers. In case you’re reading Kevin, my proposal for our first tiebreaker will be to put us in a room with two tv’s, make you watch “Game of Thrones,” make me watch “Lost” and see who gets bored first.
- Beth – The Green family (last name alert) had to bid adieu to Hershel last time we saw them and my god it totally sucked. Seriously, why would anyone, even a complete sadist like the Governor, want to hurt Hershel? He was the nicest guy ever and had an excellent beard. Anyway, at this point I think Beth takes death in stride a lot better than Maggie does, so I figure she’ll handle herself just fine in the next episode. And wouldn’t it be great if after all this time, Beth turned out to be a natural walker killing machine? That’s what happens when I picture this show in my mind, where everything is totally bad ass and nothing boring, repetitive or moronic ever takes place.
- Glenn – Does Hershel’s departure from the show mean that Glenn is now the patriarch of the Green family? Or has he always been his own man and now doesn’t have to worry about living up to the lofty standards that his father-in-law had already set? While I ponder about this on my own, you can rest assured that Glenn will at least make it long enough to witness Maggie or Beth bite the dust.
- Rick – It would be easy to poke fun at Rick for the way that he overdoes every single dramatic sequence that he’s in, but I’ve been there and done that. For the first time in a long time, I actually felt sorry for Rick and not just because his faced looked like he went 10 rounds with Floyd Mayweather. The truth is, the guy has made a few pretty dumb decisions. Some were out of his control and others he brought upon himself, but being the leader in the apocalypse is more stressful than being President of the United States. No matter what you decide, someone always disagrees with you and people wind up dead regardless of how hard you tried to protect them. Oh wait, you mean it’s exactly like being President? No wonder Rick passed out on the couch for two days.
- Tara – Let’s see, who else do we have? Ah yes, Tara, the one whose girlfriend just got shot in the face by the spawn of Satan. I’m really not sure what place she has on this show and I’m having a hard time even remembering what she looks like. That’s not a good sign but what the hell do I know? I’ve been predicting Rick’s death forever and yet he keeps turning up to take care of more stuff and things (sorry Rick, this was the last time).
- Maggie – I feel like this is sort of cheating, but in the preview for the next episode it looked like something bad was in store for Maggie. “Hell, she’s already lost her dad, let’s see how we can make things ten times worse for her next time!” exclaimed the head writer. And that, ladies and germs, is my entire basis for ranking her this high. I tell you, only the most brilliant people get to write for Pegboard.
- Lilly – Wouldn’t it be funny, now that she’s lost her child and most of her humanity, if Lilly became the Governor 2.0, complete with an eyepatch and a display case full of walker heads? Oh the delicious irony. I hope she lives long enough for this to come to fruition, but I have my doubts.
- Bob – D’Angelo Barksdale. All I ever think of when Bob is on screen is “The Wire” (and Tyreese, for that matter). “Where’s Wallace, String? Where’s the boy at?” Here’s a hint, Walking Dead; if you want me to stay invested in your show, it’s probably not a good idea to remind me of something else that I would rather be watching. Give Bob more to do (and Tyreese god damit!).
- Tyreese – Apparently, in the comics The Governor killed Tyreese before the battle at the prison, not Hershel. This tells me two things: 1) Tyreese continues to be an infinitely less interesting character in the show than he is in the comics 2) He is now living on borrowed time. I wouldn’t put it past the writers to keep him around just to appease the fans, but sooner or later something has to give with him and Sasha. One of them needs to go.
- Sasha – I have nothing against Sasha. She seems to be a generally pleasant lady and it’s a credit to her maturity that she has been able to put up with Tyreese for this long. However, literally everyone else has been traumatized by a death of someone whom they are close to, the exception being Sasha and Tyreese. Time is running out.
- Judith – Sorry Kevin, but this is “The Walking Dead.” Grotesque and pointless things happen all the time. Lil’ Ass Kicker is gone.