Welcome to our Walking Dead Power Rankings.  Jesse has 47 points while Kevin has 51.

(Note: Each week Jesse and I will rank the Walking Dead characters from least likely to die to most likely to die. If a character does perish then we earn points. For instance if Glenn dies this week then Jesse will have 8 points and I will have 5 points.)

Kevin’s Rankings

1. Daryl- Does everyone understand why Daryl doesn’t relax? He finally lets his guard down and look what happened? I doubt he will ever make that mistake again. Daryl chasing after the car that Beth was kidnapped in was a great suspenseful moment. And him landing in a sketchy group to finish the episode was very interesting. Maybe I should have more faith in these writers after all.

2. Judith- Is Judith the Mary-Kate and Ashley of The Walking Dead? Meaning will she gone on to have a far more successful career than that of her co-workers? It is a long shot but keep an eye out.

3. Carl- I sure hope Carl is in this week’s episode. Not because I find him interesting. Actually I just am running out of material for the boy and I need something new to make fun of him for.

4. Maggie- I was confused as to why Maggie ran off from her group. Sasha wasn’t being that mean to her. And Maggie knows the strength is in numbers. But then Sasha and Bob kissed and it made sense to me. Would you want to be a third wheel while you are searching for your possibly dead husband? I would be pretty annoyed if I was searching for my love while these two were holding hands and playing footsie.

5. Glenn- Hey we saw Glenn last week! For half of a second. But it counts! So he has seen the sign. And he looked amazed. Does that mean he is heading towards Maggie? I feel like I should discuss this with my soon to be wife just to be safe. “Hey babe, if we are ever separated in a zombie apocalypse and I run into a sign that points to a safe community should I go looking for it?” Hmm…she didn’t respond. She slammed her laptop, grabbed her keys, got in her car and drove off. Does that mean yes?

6. Rick- I have read about 20 pages of the Walking Dead comic and I am far more invested in Comic Rick than I have ever been with TV Rick. Do you think if the comic characters watched this show they would be as bored as we are?

7. Michonne- Last week I talked about Michonne if she were in Lost. I started thinking about that and I think she would fit in a lot better in that universe. Her fighting skills wouldn’t come up as often but she is a mysteriously quiet character that would probably have a lot of great flashbacks. Too bad this isn’t the 80’s. We could have had a Lost and Walking Dead spin-off episode where they switch universes. That would have been better than Lost seasons 4-5 and nearly every Walking Dead episode ever.

8. Abraham- Like I said, I read 20 pages of The Walking Dead comic and it is definitely in black and white. So I still don’t understand why this poor actor had to dye his hair red.

9. Eugene- Anyone seen the South Park episode where they play World of Warcraft? This guy reminds me of the fat guy that the kids defeat. The one sitting at his desk. I bet he played a lot of WoW before the zombies. So he is treating this as a real life video game. Soon he will learn that you don’t respawn in real life. Okay well you kind of do in the Walking Dead but you are…you know…undead. So yeah he might be disappointed.

10. Rosita- This show has never had two hot girls co exist for that long right? As soon as Glenn and Maggie hookup again expect this girl to “disappear”.

11. Beth- Nicely done Beth. You got to sing, be happy and get kidnapped in an entire episode. Just when we were starting to not hate you, you disappear. Seems like a trend with this show.

12. Bob- I read a theory online this week that stated Bob is immune to being zombified and that is why he is always the last survivor of his groups. It makes a lot of sense and I hope it is true. I switched him with Sasha based off of that theory.
13. Sasha- We are slowly getting somewhere with Sasha. Bob is breaking down the guard this woman has up. Unfortunately without her guard her end is probably near.
14. Tara- Skipped due to lack of interest.
15. Tyreese- Tyreese is about to answer the age old question of, “Would you rather be stuck with four women or get eaten by a zombie?” Tough. Is there a correct answer to that?
16. Carol- After weeks of her exile and a few more weeks of her group no showing, we finally get to see Carol again. Will it be short-lived?
17. Lizzie- Will this be the week of Demon Child? Will she fulfill her prophecy of being evil and interesting? Or will the writers backtrack because they fear the Demon Child?
18. Mica- Please please just go away. I have had you at the bottom for weeks now and I want to be right! So yeah, thanks for coming and have a nice death.

Jesse’s Rankings

You’ll have to pardon my lack of input this week. I’ve been writing a short story for school and it is taking me forever. When it comes down to it, writing fiction isn’t easy. It doesn’t matter if it’s original material or an adaptation, so just because I give the writers of this show tons of grief every week doesn’t mean I think they have an easy job. Maybe I’m just in a more forgiving mood because I actually enjoyed last week’s episode. And yes, I know I said I would do better this week, which means I’m just going to have to deliver the most epic rankings ever next time. However, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t provide any explanation for my rankings whatsoever, so I will be playing a sort of improvised word association game with all of the characters. Enjoy!

1. Daryl – Punches you, then befriends you.

2. Judith – Why you should support pro-choice.

3. Carl – Why I support pro-choice.

4. Rick – Stuff and things that didn’t include pro-choice.

5. Michonne – A pirate’s life for me!

6. Bob – Thinks with his dick.

7. Beth – Jailbait.

8. Glenn – Bet he’d like a pizza right about now.

9. Sasha – Plays hard to get.

10. Tara – Rapidly forgetting who this is.

11. Abraham – Still isn’t booked for Wrestlemania.

12. Eugene – Would be hilarious if his nickname was Mr. Krabs.

13. Maggie – Didn’t her hair used to be brown?

14. Rosita – What’s the point of eye candy if you never see it?

15. Lizzie – Demon monkey.

16. Carol – Wishes she hadn’t come back.

17. Tyreese – I can’t even look at you any more man.

18. Mica – Stupid. Weak. Soon to be dead.