Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 8

One thing that has been universally true since we started these rankings: ESPN loves the Cardinals and Seahawks. Loves them. They must’ve been so torn last week when those two played, but were probably the only ones excited when the game ended a tie. That was like the best of both worlds for ESPN. You can check it out for yourself in this week’s rankings if you want…


…or you can just take our word for it. Your call dude.

  1. New England Patriots, 6-1 (Last ranked 1) Kevin – Sure the Patriots have won 6 games but Tom Brady has only won 3 this season. That’s a sure sign he is regressing right? RIGHT?!?
  2. Seattle Seahawks, 4-1-1 (LR: 3) Jesse – Damn you Seattle. Somehow you moved up one spot even though you tied, and now I have to write out that one tie when I set up these rankings for the rest of the year. Thanks a lot.
  3. Denver Broncos, 5-2 (LR: 5) Kevin – ESPN pointed out that we moved into a tie with Oakland after Monday’s victory. Look ESPN we didn’t move anywhere. The AFC West is the Broncos. If anything the Raiders moved into a tie with us. The champions. Get it right.
  4. Dallas Cowboys, 5-1 (LR: 4) Jesse – Watch Dallas win this weekend and then Jerry Jones will force the coaches to put Tony Romo back in next week. Because only the Cowboys would make a quarterback change when they are 6-1.
  5. Minnesota Vikings, 5-1 (LR: 2) Kevin – So maybe Sam Bradford is only a bad quarterback when the Eagles or Rams are involved. Because this season was going swimmingly until they faced the Eagles and he blew up. Lucky for the Vikings, the Rams aren’t on their schedule.
  6. Green Bay Packers, 4-2 (LR: 10) Jesse – The Packers beat Matt Barkley and get to move up 4 spots? Go home, ESPN. You’re drunk.
  7. Arizona Cardinals, 3-3-1 (LR: 13) Kevin – The Cardinals tied and ESPN rocketed them up 6 spots. ESPN’s obsession with the Cardinals makes Joe Buck’s obsession with Kyle Schwarber look pedestrian.
  8. Pittsburgh Steelers, 4-3 (LR: 7) Jesse – The Steelers are 4-3 and Sydney Crosby is still out for the Penguins. Safe to say my boss isn’t enjoying sports much lately.
  9. Kansas City Chiefs, 4-2 (LR: 11) Kevin – ESPN writes, “The Chiefs continue to find ways to win, but does anyone fear them?”. I love that sentence. I want to print 40,000 pamphlets with only that sentence on it, fly to Kansas City and hand them out to unsuspecting Chiefs fans. That sentence sums up the past four seasons of Chiefs football.
  10. Atlanta Falcons, 4-3 (LR: 6) Jesse – Well, maybe the Falcons are who we thought they were? RIP Dennis Green.
  11. Oakland Raiders, 5-2 (LR: 14) Kevin – ESPN just said that the Raiders are at the top of the AFC West. No guys, they aren’t. They are tied for the lead. Tied with the back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back AFC West champions. Take it easy on the hyperbole alright?
  12. Philadelphia Eagles, 4-2 (LR: 15) Jesse – Somehow the Eagles won last week even though they only have one offensive touchdown in the last two weeks. Maybe we should pump the brakes a bit on comparing Carson Wentz to Peyton Manning.
  13. Cincinnati Bengals, 3-4 (LR: 16) Kevin – Thank god for the Cleveland Browns am I right? If your team is ever down in the dumps or playing poorly you can count on the Browns to either A. make your team look better by comparison or B. get beat by your team so badly that everyone forgets about your troubles. What a team.
  14. San Diego Chargers, 3-4 (LR: 19) Jesse – The Chargers could easily be 6-1 if they hadn’t choked away three games at the very end. Instead, they’ll be 3-5 after tomorrow.
  15. Detroit Lions, 4-3 (LR: 21) Kevin –  The Lions haven’t won a game by more than 4 points or lost a game by more than 7. Which means they are a coin flip every week. I think #15 is a good spot for a coin flip team.
  16. Buffalo Bills, 4-3 (LR: 8) Jesse – Apparently, the Bills lose when they don’t get their running game going. Seeing as they are playing the Patriots tomorrow AND I’m using Mike Gillislee at the flex on my fantasy team, I’m really hoping Buffalo runs for 300 yards this week.
  17. Houston Texans, 4-3 (LR: 17) Kevin – The Texans have been held without an offensive touchdown in two games these season. I’ll just place this here:f5cd2d22-85d7-432e-896f-3487f033e89e-11252-00000c17a19bfce6_tmp
  18. New York Giants, 4-3 (LR: 12) Jesse – The Texans lose, go to 4-3 and don’t drop in the rankings. The Giants win, get to 4-3 and drop six spots, putting them below the Texans? Whatever.
  19. Washington Redskins, 4-3 (LR: 9) Kevin – I don’t know what’s worse, the London games happening seemingly every week or us Americans sending over a team named the Redskins to play in London.
  20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 3-3 (LR: 28) Jesse – I picked the Jaguars last week because I thought the Raiders would struggle after flying to the east coast for a morning game. That backfired horribly. Yet, I’m considering trying that again. I must be insane, right?
  21. Baltimore Ravens, 3-4 (LR: 18) Kevin – The Ravens are in a slump. There are only two things that can help them climb out of it. The Bye week or a game against the Browns. Oh look, a Bye week, good for them.
  22. Carolina Panthers, 1-5 (LR: 23) Jesse – It would not surprise me at all to see Carolina in the top 10 next week if they beat Arizona.
  23. Tennessee Titans, 3-4 (LR: 22) Kevin – The Titans host the Jaguars in a must watch Thursday Night Football game this week. Make sure to tune in…wait the game already happened? Did anyone watch? If a tree falls in a forest yada, yada, yada.
  24. Indianapolis Colts, 3-4 (LR: 24) Jesse – Good for you, Colts. Don’t give up that no. 24 spot without a fight.
  25. New Orleans Saints, 2-4 (LR: 20) Kevin – Saints Defense: “Hey Brees, take it easy today we got you.” Brees: “No, I only win when you allow 30+ points. That is the only way.” Saints Defense: “But…” Brees: “Just do it!”
  26. Miami Dolphins, 3-4 (LR: 27) Jesse – We’re positive that Jay Ajayi isn’t just Ricky Williams in disguise, right? I’m not so sure.
  27. Los Angeles Rams, 3-4 (LR: 26) Kevin – The Rams are on a bye week this week.Sorry for all those who are fans of mediocre to poor football.
  28. New York Jets, 2-5 (LR: 25) Jesse – There’s no one better at fooling NFL teams into thinking he’s good than Ryan Fitzpatrick. When you have a degree from Harvard, I suppose that makes it pretty easy to manipulate the dumb general managers around the league.
  29. Jacksonville Jaguars, 2-4 (LR: 29) Kevin – 2016 sure is the Jaguars year isn’t? That’s what ESPN was saying prior to this season. I guess 2 wins is actually a pretty good year based on their standards.
  30. Chicago Bears, 1-6 (LR: 30) Jesse – Suiting up at quarterback this week for the Bears… I think it’s Cutler? Could be Barkley again. Hell, maybe John Fox will give his old buddy Kyle Orton a call. Tim Tebow is available too.
  31. San Francisco 49ers, 1-6 (LR: 31) Kevin – I just thought I should point out that the Niners were undefeated and had allowed zero points at some point in 2016. That is not a lie.
  32. Cleveland Browns, 0-7 (LR: 32) Jesse – The Indians may be throwing a championship parade on Tuesday, but the Browns aren’t quite ready to let go of the whole Factory of Sadness label. They’ll go 0-16 if that’s what it takes to hang on to it.

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