Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead Death Rankings!
(Remember, every week Jesse and Kevin will provide rankings based on who they think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. They get points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then I will have four points and Jesse will have two points.)
Click here to catch up on our previous hilarious insights.
Click below to see our score. Warning: TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
39 44 Kevin 39: Jesse gets 5 points for being the closest in predicting Walker Deaths. He said five, I went with two and the total, that I counted, was 28. Hey I was feeling pretty good when Carl used an entire car to kill one single walker. But then Maggie had to go all Monster Truck on everybody and mow down a dozen or so walkers. Thanks a lot Maggie.
Walker Deaths- Okay, I shot way too low last time. Let’s go with seven.
- Enid- Enid made sure to point out that Carl has only one eye multiple times. “I have better aim than you” she told Carl. And then later Carl told Enid, “I’ll see you.” And how did Enid respond? “No. You won’t.” Wow Enid, what a mood killer.
- Jesus- It sounds like the writers are in on the Jesus jokes. Just a few quotes that cracked me up: “I’ve been recuperating too Jesus!” – Gregory; “What do you want Jesus?” – Sasha; And finally, my favorite from Greg again, “Honey, I’m talking to Jesus”.
- Carl- What was more awkward? Carl not being able to play darts because of his lack of depth perception (BECAUSE CARL HAS ONE EYE, IN CASE YOU FORGOT EVERYONE!) or the Carl and Enid roller skating scene?
- Maggie- I like how Maggie is turning into the, “Do I have to do everything?” character. I think she inherited the role from Carol. Sasha and Jesus start slowly stabbing or kung fu fighting each walker and Maggie just sighs, starts up the tractor and finishes the fight.
- King Ezekiel
- Sasha- I felt some awkwardness when Sasha asked who put balloons on Abraham’s grave and Enid admitted to doing it. Except she thought it was Glenn’s grave. Which means she never intended on putting balloons on Abe’s grave at all. She had like four balloons. Couldn’t she just split it evenly between the two? Sorry Sasha.
- Father Gabriel
- Simon– Simon is Negan’s right hand man who tormented Gregory this week. The entire time I was watching him I thought, “this guy is like a real life Trevor Philips from GTAV. If they ever make a movie based on that game he has to play him.” Only to find out Simon is played by Steven Ogg who, you guessed it, voiced Trevor Philips in GTAV. Which is a long way of saying, I’m pretty smart sometimes.
- Gregory- Because of the way this show is written I could hardly remember anything about Gregory before this episode. But I learned he’s some sort of drunken, perverted, clown who doesn’t remember anyone’s names I guess.
Walker deaths- I wanted to go with eight to make Kevin mad. But let’s go with fifteen.
- Rick- Teenagers suck, right Rick? They never want to do anything hard and they put a bunch of holes in the wall.
- John Connor Carl- Kevin’s been telling me for weeks that all it would take to stop the Saviors is for some brave soul to bash Negan’s head in when he’s not looking. I guess Carl agrees because he’s made that his personal mission. Does that make Kevin and Carl the same person?!!
- Maggie- I was really afraid that Maggie was going to go into her shell and lose the will to live since Glenn is dead. That’s what I expected. Instead, she’s become more of a bad ass than she was before and was the only one smart enough to fire up the tractor. That’s what we call a surpise. I like surprises. Good ones anyway.
- Enid- Oh boy. I could rant for at least a few paragraphs about how terrible and cliche that roller skating sequence was. Or how Enid is making sure that we remember that Carl has only one eye (you didn’t forget, did you?). But it’s Sunday morning and so instead I’m going to drink my coffee and consider starting Blake Bortles over Tom Brady. Why, you ask? Because as crazy as that sounds, it still isn’t as big of a waste of my time as ripping apart Enid’s outtake from The Edge of Seventeen would be. It happened, hopefully you all hated it as much as I did, so let’s just move on. Dammit, that still took a paragaph.
- King Ezekiel-
- Father Gabriel-
- Michonne- Relationship goals: when your girlfriend hates a big decision that you make but goes along with it and doesn’t talk shit about you behind your back to your son.
- Jesus- I thought it was weird that Jesus was just putting up with Gregory’s inept style of leadership. Then I realized that overthrowing someone by force isn’t Jesus’ way, and instead he has to let it play out until all the townspeople realize how incapable Gregory is on their own. I see you Walking Dead. I see you.
- Sasha- Loved how totally nonchalant Sasha was when Enid just showed up, like she was expecting it to happen all along. I don’t know why. It just tickled me.
- Simon- Can this happen just one time before Simon dies? I don’t care who he says it to (kidding, I hope it’s Spencer or Gregory).
- Gregory– My favorite Gregory moment: when he complains that he doesn’t have time to keep track of everybody. Cool man, you’re just in charge of the whole town. Not like it’s your job to do that or anything.
- Spencer –