I am sorry to report this to you but your normal Broncos recap guy, Jesse Schaffer is no longer with us. Yeah that’s right, Mr. Schaffer is currently living the high life in Las Vegas and can not be bothered to be with us this week so I am here to fill his void while he lives out some golden (k)nights in the city of sin.

Okay I’m going to assume the boo’s I’m hearing is for the Broncos’ most recent performance and not for me. Without further ado let’s recap last week’s…well I wouldn’t call it a game because there was very little competing going on. But let’s recap it nonetheless!

The Good

1. Uh…it wasn’t as bad as it could have been?

Wow this was a difficult game to find something ‘Good’. Last week Jesse’s only ‘Good’ thing was “It Was an Out of Conference Game”. This being a division loss plus the first time they’ve been shut out since 1992 equals no silver lining. The only saving grace of the game? That they didn’t lose 49-0. Considering the three turnovers and five sacks against plus terrible special teams play (shit, I’m spoiling my Bad/Ugly section) Broncos fans were lucky it wasn’t as lopsided as it should have been.

The Bad

1. Offensive Line

Is this fair to blame an offensive line that had to go against Joey ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Bosa and Melvin Ingram? Probably not in a normal situation but we here at Pegboards (well Jesse specifically) have been screaming (with our keyboards) to find a suitable replacement for our right tackle position and it hasn’t happened. And since it hasn’t happened we had to suffer through Trevor Siemian playing with his shoulder pads sticking out for the majority of the game.

Look, I’ve never built a real NFL team before but I have had plenty of experience in Madden and the first thing I generally do is beef up my offensive line. If the line is dominant than you can toss any scrubs behind it to throw or run the ball and they should, at the very least, move up the field. Actually this strategy works so well in Madden that our beloved Jesse copied my blueprint in our latest season and wouldn’t you know it, he won the whole thing.

2. The Denver Broncos

Think Homer Simpson would want to own this franchise right now? Not likely. Two weeks ago, as Jesse shared, I texted my friends and said the Broncos secretly suck. This past week I texted them to remind them that the secret is out, the Broncos suck.

Is that fair to give up on a 3-3 team? It is fair if they really do suck. And right now the Broncos are bad. And the most difficult thing to swallow is that there seems to be no logical reason that they will be able to turn it around. They have a rookie head coach who is still trying to figure out how to run a team. They have already had their bye week to make adjustments and they have looked worse since coming off of it. And they have to face off against the Chiefs next week in KC and then follow that up with the red hot Eagles in Philly and then they have to welcome the Patriots in Denver after that. There is no end in sight for the bad Broncos and that is brutal.

The Ugly

1. Trevor Siemian

I get it, Emmanuel Sanders is hurt and the offensive line is not doing you any favors. But Siemian’s decision making is just terrible and has way more ‘I can’t look’ plays than ‘You gotta see this!’ plays.

I feel like we entered some sort of weird time warp where we cloned Kyle Orton and decided to match him up with his old buddy Mike McCoy again to see if this lackluster duo can do it better the second time around. AKA my personal football hell.

2. Special Teams

Here’s a sign that your special teams had a rough game, when you load up the highlights on YouTube and two of the biggest plays are punt returns.

Last week it was our piss poor kicking by one Brandon “Big Money” McManus and now this week it’s allowing a game changing punt return TD. I wish I could say we should just start going for it on 4th down but I don’t trust our offense to gain even one yard in the best possible situation.

Next week’s prediction: Chiefs 28, Broncos 6

The Broncos have to follow two tough losses by traveling to the dreaded Arrowhead Stadium and I don’t think it’s going to be pretty. To be honest I went back and forth trying to decide if the Broncos would get two field goals or three and I finally settled on two after realizing McManus will definitely miss at least one attempt.