Hello and welcome to Pegboards’ Sixth Annual NFL Mock Draft where the rules are made up and the picks don’t matter because we will be wrong 95% of the time.
Just like last year, we have pulled our “friends” Eric and Ryan into the mix to help us throw darts at the mock draft dart board. Why would we do this again, you ask? Is it because our friends added some much needed expertise and accurate predictions last year? Hahaha, no, of course not, it’s mostly because we are lazy (which you can tell by our never-ending lack of updates).
So here’s how it’s going to go, the draft order begins with myself, Kevin, and then it goes Ryan, Jesse and Eric. We were allowed to make trades and, spoiler alert, one of us actually did! Jesse and I will be providing most of the commentary for each pick. We will most likely use our pick’s commentary to praise ourselves and use their pick’s taking some deep shots at their character, intelligence, and overall self-esteem. So just normal, healthy friend stuff.
Without further ado, the Browns of Cleveland are on the clock… again. Just like last year.
1- Cleveland Browns: Josh Allen QB Wyoming
Kevin: Picking Josh Allen is the most Browns thing the Browns could do which is why I tabbed him to be the first overall pick. The only positive thing about him seems to be his strong arm. Which, if the Browns are planning on running a hail mary every play, will work out really good for them. My favorite thing about this pick is hearing Browns fans around me slowly talk themselves into Josh Allen. It’s scary how quick this city gets behind QBs. They are like a dude coming out of a bad relationship, desperate for any attention.
2- New York Giants: Bradley Chubb DE NC State
Jesse: Ryan has the Giants doing the sensible thing here after the colossal mistake that the Browns just made. Here’s how it literally was announced.
Ryan: Giants take Bradley (He doesn’t have a) Chubb.
Kevin: Why wouldn’t he have a Chubb? I’d be pretty excited.
Ryan: He wanted to go no. 1 overall.
Kevin: I would lose my Chubb if I were drafted by the Browns.
We’re off to a good start everybody.
3- New York Jets: Sam Darnold QB USC
Jesse: The word on the street is that the Jets favor Mayfield. I mean, “Broadway Baker” is a fairly catchy nickname, but here they are stunned that the Browns and Giants passed on Darnold and happily scoop him up. Forget the fact that the Jets have already been burned by a USC quarterback in recent history and that most Trojan signal callers flame out in the NFL. That’s not going to deter them here, damn it!
They could be facing this exact situation tonight and with Mayfield possibly going no. 1 to the Browns, Darnold would seem to make the most sense for them. Then again, this is the Jets and they rarely do anything that makes sense, so they will probably screw it up.
4- Buffalo Bills (TRADE with Cleveland Browns): Josh Rosen QB UCLA
Kevin: Our pal Eric decided to trade the Bills 12th and 22nd picks to move up here and snag Josh Rosen. This was confusing because the 22nd pick was Ryan’s to make for the Bills, while the 12th and 4th were Eric’s to make. I’m not sure if Ryan and Eric discussed this or if Eric decided his two fake picks out ruled Ryan’s one fake pick? This is all very confusing and I apologize.
5- Denver Broncos: Baker Mayfield QB Oklahoma
Kevin: I sprinted to the fictional podium for this pick because it is realistically not going to happen. But I love me some Baker Mayfield. People around Cleveland are wary of him and are comparing him to Johnny Manziel. This is slightly frightening to think about as a Broncos fan. If Manziel managed to get in so much trouble in Cleveland , Ohio can you imagine what bodega Manziel will get into in Denver, Colorado? Would be fun to watch.
6- Indianapolis Colts: Saquon Barkley RB Penn State
Jesse: Ryan wisely passed on Barkley at no. 2 and gives him to the Colts here, because running backs should never be drafted in the top 5. And while the Colts still need offensive line help and Andrew Luck hasn’t played in over a year because of that, I guess the idea here is that Indy will protect Luck by letting Barkley take a beating for the next few years. “You can’t hurt Andrew if we just hand it off all the time!”
7- Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Minkah Fitzpatrick CB Alabama
Jesse: I honestly have no idea whether or not the Bucs need help at safety, or if Fitzpatrick is even the best pick for them. What I do know is that Tampa still has Ryan Fitzpatrick, who looks like a pirate, and that he can teach Minkah the ways of plundering ships and drinking rum. Then they can walk around with parrots on their shoulders and all their teammates will say, “Argh, thar be dem blasted Fitzpatricks!”
Still think we’re offering actual analysis here?
8- Chicago Bears: Denzel Ward CB Ohio State
Kevin: It’s been a long running joke that I spent my childhood hating Ohio State and then I moved to Cleveland where Ohio State has “educated” nine out of ten people. So every time I have to write about a Buckeye I die a little inside and Jesse chuckles a little inside. I hope you’re happy Jesse.
9- San Francisco 49ers: Roquan Smith LB Georgia
Kevin: It took me about two days to make this pick. Not because I was busy researching. Researching took me like five minutes and consisted of me Googling, “Who the fuck are the Niners going to draft?”. This is the type of analysis you are looking for right?
10- Oakland Raiders: Derwin James S Florida St
Jesse: Ryan presented the following question after this pick: what kind of a name is Derwin?
Alright Ryan, I’ll do my best to answer.
“Da Raiders are going for der win by drafting James.”
I’ll show myself out.
11- Miami Dolphins: Quenton Nelson G Notre Dame
Jesse: Whoops, I can’t show myself out because I still have more picks to explain. Nelson is arguably the best player in this draft. He’s definitely one of the safest and will help anchor a team’s interior offensive line for a decade or more. So why has he fallen all the way to no. 11, you ask?
Because as Ryan puts it, “Guards aren’t sexy.” Fair enough, but there’s already plenty of sexiness down in South Beach, so the Dolphins will happily take the unsexy Nelson.
12- Cleveland Browns (TRADE with Buffalo Bills): Tremaine Edmunds LB Virginia Tech
Kevin: Fun fact, thanks to Eric trading away the 4th pick for the 12th and 22nd, he made sure that three out of the four of us picked for the Browns. I grabbed the QB of the future (aka Weeks 6-8) for the Browns and Eric went with a stud linebacker. Sounds like a solid draft for the Browns so far. Can’t wait to see how Ryan screws it up with the 22nd pick.
13- Washington R-Words: Vita Vea DT Washington
Kevin: I recently ran my first marathon in D.C. That has nothing to do with this pick. But I thought it was neat. Thanks for reading.
14- Green Bay Packers: Josh Jackson CB Iowa
Jesse: When Ryan made this pick, all I could picture was Joshua Jackson from The Mighty Ducks appearing at the draft and holding up a Packers jersey. Then Gordon Bombay bursts onto the stage and starts yelling, “Triple deke, Charlie! Triple deke!” This segment will feature the most applause of the evening.
15- Arizona Cardinals: Connor Williams G Texas
Jesse: At this point, Kevin was completely bored with my picks after I went back to back guards. Well, technically Williams is a tackle who can play guard, but if it still works for my plan of boring these other guys to death to make them screw up their picks, then I’m totally fine with it. Also, that offensive line needs as much help as it can get to keep Sam Bradford healthy past the first quarter of game one of the 2018 season.
16- Baltimore Ravens: Marcus Davenport DE Texas SA
Kevin: Marcus Davenport is a Defensive End. Out of Texas San Antonio. These are facts. Although, I can neither confirm nor deny whether Texas San Antonio is a real school. If it were a real school I wonder what their mascot would be? A ten gallon hat? A roadrunner? Tim Duncan? Maybe Tim Duncan wearing a ten gallon hat chasing a roadrunner? Yeah that’s it.
17- Los Angeles Chargers: Da’Ron Payne DT Alabama
Kevin: I CANNOT wait for Jim Nantz to talk about how much of a PAYNE Da’Ron is for the Denver Broncos twice a year. Just cannot wait.
18- Seattle Seahawks: Mike McGlinchey OT Notre Dame
Jesse: It’s worth noting here that Ryan stole my strategy of going with lineman in order to bore the rest of us to tears. Poor Kevin and Eric must have been in comas at this point. I’m on to you, Ryan.
19- Dallas Cowboys: Calvin Ridley WR Alabama
Jesse: So I lied just a tad about us not offering you some actual analysis. While I again have no clue whether Ridley is the best receiver here, Dallas did just release Dez Bryant and Jason Witten ain’t getting any younger, so they gotta give Dak some more weapons to throw to at some point. That is my attempt at providing a logical explanation for this random pick that I made. Nothing else to see here.
20- Detroit Lions: Harold Landry DE Boston College
Kevin: I’m bitter at Eric here because I wanted to take Harold at 25 for the Titans. HOW COULD YOU STEAL HIM FROM ME ERIC?! HOW?!?
21- Cincinnati Bengals: Isaiah Wynn G Georgia
Kevin: I’m looking forward to the headlines on the Cincinnati newspapers, “Bengals Go For The Wynn”. It’s the only way to make drafting a guard sound interesting.
22- Cleveland Browns (TRADE with Buffalo Bills): Lamar Jackson QB/WR Louisville
Jesse: Ah, the classic double dip. In order to ensure that they don’t miss on a quarterback, Ryan gives the Browns Lamar Jackson here. However, then he did an about-face and insisted that Jackson was being drafted as a wide receiver, not a quarterback. But Kevin was stubborn and had him down as a QB/WR. Ultimately, it led to this exchange:
Ryan: Lamar Jackson is not being drafted as a QB/WR. He is a WR.
Kevin: He’s a slash. He won’t be a WR until the Browns ruin him as a QB. So roughly around week 4.
Oh boy. It was also suggested by Eric that they should take three quarterbacks just to be absolutely sure that one of them will pan out. He may be on to something.
23- New England Patriots: Kolton Miller OT UCLA
Jesse: Another pick, another lineman for me. According to Ryan, I am the Andy Reid of this draft. I’ve got my costume ready to go and everything. It looks a lot like this.
24- Carolina Panthers: DJ Moore WR Maryland
Kevin: Remember when Eric shattered my heart by drafting a guy named Harold before I could draft that same guy for the Titans? WELL ERIC DID IT AGAIN! DJ Moore was supposed to drop sick beats for the Jaguars, who I am also picking for. How dare you Eric, you are dead to me.
25- Tennessee Titans: Rashaan Evans LB Alabama
Kevin: Since Eric stole Harold from me, I had to settle for a dude named Rashaan. Which is a definite downgrade right? Sure Rashaan is a more unique name but Harold probably has a friend named Kumar. Harold probably likes White Castle. Harold sounds like a fun guy. Rashaan? He probably doesn’t like White Castle. I have no evidence to back that up. Just a gut feeling.
26- Atlanta Falcons: Maurice Hurst DT Michigan
Jesse: Not to be outdone, Ryan takes the lineman strategy to another level by switching over to the defensive line. Well played, Ryan. Well played.
27- New Orleans Saints: Jaire Alexander CB Louisville
Jesse: Hey guys, I know when I’m beaten. Ryan made me doubt myself about all those linemen picks, then outfoxed me by taking a defensive tackle. Of course, Ryan was an Eagles fan for a long time, so few people know how to out-Andy Reid someone better than Ryan. I’m just going to be gracious in defeat and give a corner to the Saints.
28- Pittsburgh Steelers: Jessie Bates S Wake Forest
Kevin: Is Bradley Chubb or Jessie Bates a funnier name? I chuckle more at Jessie Bates probably because I have a friend named Jesse. I don’t have any friends named Bradley. I need one though. Bradley’s, feel free to apply to be my friend. I offer great benefits. Also why is all of my analysis centered on names? Because I did zero research this year.
29- Jacksonville Jaguars: Courtland Sutton WR SMU
Kevin: This should be DJ Moore’s spot. It would have been perfect. Jacksonville needs a WR and a DJ to entertain their club loving fans. This is garbage, I’m upset. No offense Courtland. You seem nice enough I guess but the name Courtland does nothing for me.
30- Minnesota Vikings: Will Hernandez G UTEP
Jesse: Oh come on Ryan, I already conceded! Now you’re just rubbing it in by taking Hernandez here.
On a serious note, if the Broncos trade back with the Bills, get the no. 22 pick and Hernandez is still on the board at this point, me and Ryan are both going to vomit.
31- New England Patriots: Derrius Guice RB LSU
Jesse: I end my run of picks with a running back that the Pats will more than likely use to shred opposing defenses. It was also the first time any of us told Kevin, who was keeping track of all our picks, which school a guy was from and the position he played. Kevin’s not bitter about that at all. Nope, not even a little bit.
32- Philadelphia Eagles: Mike Hughes CB UCF
Kevin: Ha look! It’s Mr. Irrelevant of round one. What a loser. That’s a thing right? Is it just me or does the first pick of round two always seem soooo much better than the last pick of round one? Maybe it’s a psychological thing since round two we are all rested and refreshed after a long round one. Or maybe it’s because the player at the end of round one is going to a championship team that doesn’t need a high impact player and therefore doesn’t become one while a player at the beginning of round two is going to a pile of garbage and seemingly has a higher ceiling. Anyway, I don’t know anything about Mike Hughes.
Flimsy Film Critics 