Author Archives: Jesse Schaffer

Pegboards’ Favorite WrestleMania Matches: No. 20-11

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As an avid wrestling fan, it is my duty to inform you that we are less than 24 hours from WrestleMania 31. As a procrastinating writer, it is my obligation to admit that I meant for this to be up much sooner. I feel like I’ve said that far too often over the past few years, but hey, at least I am getting things up. Progress, right?

Anyway, WrestleMania is well-known as the biggest wrestling event of the calendar year. It is WWE’s version of the Super Bowl, the granddaddy of them all, the showcase of the immortals. I could go on and on, but we are pressed for time. Obviously I am very familiar with the phenomenon that is WrestleMania, and I’ve always wanted to sit down and figure out what my favorite WrestleMania matches of all-time are. After doing so, I now understand why I may never do this again: it takes FOREVER.

It’s important to point out that this is not necessarily the greatest matches in Mania history, because again that is a subject matter. Some matches that you are expecting to see will be missing, others will be ranked too low and there may even be one or two that makes you think, “Seriously dude? THAT match?” Just keep in mind that there have been hundreds of bouts at WrestleMania, my friend, and getting this down to my top 20 was much harder than I anticipated it would be.

So here we go. As good ol’ J.R. would say, business is about to pick up.

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Broncos Offseason Evaluation: Rebuilding or Replacing?

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Before free agency started, I was planning on doing a preview for every position on the Broncos that was about to undergo some addition or subtraction. I made it through a couple of these and was determined to power through the rest, but then a funny thing happened. Teams were given an unofficial window to negotiate with players the weekend before free agency, during which they could discuss terms with players but couldn’t actually sign them. That didn’t prevent a flurry of “agreements” from being announced during that window, as teams were practically backing up the money trucks to the front lawns of the players they coveted and took full advantage of the leeway that the league offered to them.

Once it became abundantly clear that A) the Broncos were not going to be major players in free agency and B) they wouldn’t even be resigning the majority of their own free agents, it just didn’t make a lot of sense to move forward with my initial plan. It’s nice when life provides you with an excuse to be lazy, but I still feel like I owe you guys something after we promised that there would be all those others posts to look forward to. Thanks a lot NFL, you made me feel guilty.

Here is a rundown of what the Broncos have been doing so far in the new league year, and why most of it isn’t nearly as bad as you may think.

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Broncos Free Agency Primer: Offensive Line – Part 2

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As the years go by, I find myself becoming more and more appreciative of Tom Nalen. For over ten years, Nalen was the foundation of the Broncos’ offensive line and one of the leaders of the team. He was a great player and was the very model of stability during his time in Denver. Very rarely do you see such consistency at one position for such a long period of time, and it’s really made the Broncos’ issues at center all the more glaring since his retirement.

The good news is that the Broncos have an opportunity to finally recapture the peace of mind that Nalen brought to the middle of the line. The bad news is that they’ve already squandered this opportunity a few times before, as having an opening is no guarantee that you will actually bring in anyone worthwhile.

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Broncos Free Agency Primer: Offensive Line – Part 1

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It’s been nearly two months since the Broncos’ season ended in dismal fashion with the playoff loss to the Colts. Since that anticlimactic finish, we’ve been subjected to all kinds of questions about many of the players on the team: Will Peyton Manning return or retire? Will Julius Thomas sign with the Raiders or the Jaguars? How many times will Tony Carter eat at Waffle House before April? Yeah, it’s the boring portion of the football calender where we have a million questions about our team and practically no answers. (Okay, so there was the little tidbit today that Peyton is coming back and taking a $4 million pay cut. You know, no big deal.)

So what do you do when you get impatient waiting for the start of the new league year? Why, you speculate, of course!

Over the next few days or so, Pegboards will be covering each position on the team that we believe is in line for a major overhaul. We will present which players we think could start at that position in 2015, including possibilities in free agency and guys who are already on the team. Basically, we will speculate our asses off because we are restless fans and that’s what we do. First up: right tackle.

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“Gone Girl” Review

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“What are you thinking? How are you feeling? What have we done to each other? What will we do?” 

I’m not the biggest fan of the Academy Awards. Sure, I enjoy watching overpaid actors play nice and revel in each other’s success as much as the next schmuck, but it just seems like the movies that should win aren’t often the ones that take home the Oscars. Considering that any discussion about which film is truly “the best” is a subjective matter, you and I could sit here all day and debate how many truly legitimate winners there have been over the years. We would probably disagree and insults would be hurled back and forth, but that’s normal. As Kevin so astutely pointed out in his Survivor Preview a few weeks back, humans judge one another with little to no evidence to support these judgments. It’s what we do. So if you think that I’m a moron when I say that Gone Girl should have been nominated for Best Picture over many of the films that were, including American Sniper, Boyhood and The Grand Budapest Hotel, then I recognize that you are just succumbing to human nature. And I forgive you.

And seeing as I’m putting all of my cards on the table, let me just point out that I thought Birdman was a tremendously directed and well-crafted film. I have no problem whatsoever with it winning Best Picture last week and I was pulling desperately for Michael Keaton to take home that Best Actor award. But more on that later.

Gone Girl is twisted, irresistible and disturbing. It takes great pleasure in roasting the idiocy of the media and the disheveled nature of mainstream murder investigations. I would be cringing during one scene and laughing the next, but no matter what I couldn’t look away. The two and half hour run time flew by. No matter how badly I needed to go to the bathroom or get up for a stretch, I never left my seat. I wanted to absorb every scene and witness every turn of events, and yet, the questions changed every time I thought I had the answers. For this is a David Fincher film, and nothing is ever what it seems. However, the most impressive feat that Gone Girl pulled off was something that previously I believed to be impossible.

It made me feel sorry for all of the married men in the world.

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“X-Men: Days of Future Past” Review by Jesse Schaffer

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“It’s not their pain you’re afraid of. It’s yours, Charles. And as frightening as it may be, that pain will make you stronger. If you allow yourself to feel it, embrace it, it will make you more powerful than you ever imagined. It’s the greatest gift we have: to bear their pain without breaking. And it’s born from the most human part: hope. Charles, we need you to hope again.” 

With the Academy Awards rapidly approaching on the horizon, we thought it made sense to go back and review some of our favorite movies from last year. Of course, this will include a few films that were nominated for best picture, but we all know that the Academy seldom gets everything right. And in the wake of the huge announcement regarding Spider-Man this week, I was reminded of just how true that can be concerning the movies that I appreciate the most. It will never receive any prestigious awards or recognition, but there wasn’t a film in 2014 that resonated with me more thoroughly than X-Men: Days of Future Past.

I vividly remember the day Kevin and I went to go see it. The weather was insane. A severe thunderstorm moved into the area and caused a rare tornado warning in Lakewood, Colorado, complete with intense hail and those frightening tornado alarms that you would hear in a movie like Twister. My family and I took refuge in a nearby Smashburger, which had rather large glass windows up front. Not exactly the best place to protect yourself from a tornado, I know (I never said I was the world’s greatest Eagle Scout, folks). Thankfully, the worst of the storm blew over and we were able to make the showtime that we wanted.

The opening credits kicked in and I immediately recognized a familiar tune: the main theme to X2: X-Men United, well-known as the very best X-Men film, hands down. A huge grin crept across my face and before I knew it, I was being transported via time capsule back to the year 2003, when Bryan Singer was the king of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the X-Men were the coolest team of superheroes that we ever could have wanted.

You know what? 2003 wasn’t all that shabby. Don’t mind if I kick my feet up and stick around for awhile.

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Spider-Man Comes Home by Jesse Schaffer

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Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past few days, you’ve heard the big news. Spider-Man has officially joined the Marvel Cinematic Universe! This is a monumental turn of events, one that has been rumored for months but seemed too far-fetched for it to ever actually happen. Now that it is ACTUALLY happening, we at Pegboards feel obligated to react to this stunning announcement and try to make sense of what’s really going on. After all, nothing like this has ever been done before and there is no guarantee that it will even work out the way that we hope it will.

But that’s beyond the point. All that matters is that Spider-Man is finally back where he belongs.

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Roman’s Controversial Reign by Jesse Schaffer

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The Royal Rumble has transformed from being one of the most exciting wrestling events of the year to operating as the most perversely entertaining night on the WWE calendar. Instead of serving as a launching pad to help the next big superstar get over, it plays off more like a heated argument between WWE and its passionate fan base, illustrating just how little the two parties see eye-to-eye on the way the show is booked. For the second year in a row, the outcome of one of WWE’s most storied matches was unanimously rejected by the WWE Universe and the main culprit behind that wave of nuclear heat is one Daniel Bryan. Or rather, the absence of Daniel Bryan.

Myself and basically every other wrestling fan in the world could see this coming from a mile away. The hardcore snarks in attendance at the Wells Fargo Center were passionately behind Bryan right from the get-go, serenading him with the loudest pop of the night. When Bryan was discarded from the Rumble like any other guy, the enthusiasm in that building deflated more quickly than a New England Patriots football. From that moment on, Roman Reigns had no chance. Philly was furious at this development and they were going to ensure that Vince McMahon, Triple H and everyone else in WWE knew about it. The message from WWE was clear – Daniel Bryan will never be “the guy” no matter how much you cheer for him.

And the answer from the audience was resounding: FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

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Pegboard 3:16 Says It’s Time to Rumble by Jesse Schaffer

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When I was a kid, my parents would take me to Blockbuster or another video rental store now and then so I could check out a new game or a movie. That’s right people, a VIDEO RENTAL store. We are going way back in the vault on this one. This was also about the time when I first started watching wrestling, and every one of those stores had a pretty vast collection of WWE pay-per-views on VHS. Yikes, we better get this thing going before I really start to feel old.

One of the first tapes I rented back then was the 1991 Royal Rumble. The Royal Rumble is a giant battle-royal featuring 30 WWE superstars. Starting with just two wrestlers in the ring at the beginning, another man (or sometimes a woman, yay diversity!) enters the match every couple of minutes until all 30 participants have come out. An elimination occurs when a superstar is thrown over the top rope and on to the floor, and the Rumble doesn’t end until all but one of the participants have been tossed out. Oh, and the winner gets a WWE Title match at Wrestlemania. I was mesmerized by this concept and it wasn’t long before I begged my mom to make a return trip to the video store so I could check out the 1992 Rumble. And the 1993 one. And 1994. Yeah, I was addicted.

Now that we are on the cusp of the 2015 Royal Rumble, I thought it would be a good idea to channel that addiction I’ve had since my childhood and turn it into something positive for Pegboards. I’m going to take 10 confirmed and possible Rumble participants and tell you why they may or may not be this year’s winner. This won’t include some of the more recognizable ones, as I’m sick of merely looking at Big Show and Kane, much less trying to write about them, and this isn’t necessarily ranked in order of least likely to win to most likely. Instead, I focused more on who I believe will be making the biggest impact tonight, which is another way of saying I’m trying to predict how the occasionally inept WWE will book it’s second biggest event of the year. Which probably means half of these guys won’t even be there. Fun all around!

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Ku-Biak to the Future by Jesse Schaffer

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I spent the last week trying to make sense of everything that has happened. Last Sunday, the Broncos were primed to make another run at the Super Bowl. The roster was much healthier and supposedly more talented than the one from the year before, providing plenty of incentive to feel hopeful about our chances. Then the game started and all of that optimism disappeared on the horizon as quickly as a winter sunset. Not only did the Broncos get outplayed by an inferior Colts team, but the coaching staff did little to adjust when things went awry and the players went out without so much as a whimper.

This was completely unacceptable, or as John Elway put it so bluntly, if the Broncos were going to lose then they needed to go down “kicking and screaming.” They didn’t, seemingly content with a fourth-straight AFC West title and yet another one and done showing in the playoffs. On a team whose expectations were sky high heading into the season, someone had to pay for such a lackluster, uninspired effort in the first game of the 2014 campaign that truly mattered. That someone turned out to be John Fox.

Flash forward to today and Elway has made the parameters of his revised “Plan A” abundantly clear; in order to claim more Super Bowl titles in the future, the Broncos are going to re-embrace their past. Enter Gary Kubiak, returning to Denver after nine years in a quest for that elusive third Lombardi trophy. It just feels oh so right.

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