Come on in guys for my Survivor Worlds Apart Episode 3 Review where I use classic Survivor quotes to assess the latest episode.

This episode proved how tough Survivor really is. Going into the season we knew the tribes were filled with superfans. People like Dan, Nina, and Shirin were supposed to be savvy game players. And yet somehow they are the three that are getting on people’s nerves. Dan is blabbing his mouth, Nina is crying and Shirin is, well I think Shirin is being awesome but her tribe doesn’t think so.

So really the lesson is you can prepare for Survivor all you want but once the starvation and isolation kicks in, everything flies out the window. Click below and I promise it will be nearly as entertaining as monkey sex from start to finish.

I can get loud too! WHAT THE F*^@? (AKA the quote(s) of the week)

“Wish come true, mother f&$*#@”, Lindsey- Blue Collar

“Monkey teaches white collar how to live in the wild”, Shirin- White Collar

Oh my god these guys are so dumb! (AKA this episode’s worst decision)

As bad as Joe’s decision to sit Nina seemed, I don’t believe it is the worst of the episode. Sure they lost the challenge but with that loss they were able to cut Nina. Which is probably a positive thing in the long run. Nina felt betrayed by everyone in her tribe already. Had she made it to the swap or merge, she would have been a dangerous swing vote for the other tribes.

Really the worst decisions came from the Blue Collar tribe collectively. Like I said last week, the Blue Collar tribe is great at challenges but not so good with the other two aspects of Survivor, strategy and socializing.

Dan got it started by calling Rodney’s mother a whore. And that was not the worst thing said by this tribe. Then Rodney let Mike know how he really felt about being his Junior Deputy Firewood Bitch by slamming wood into a pile. He then went on to mess with Texas by questioning why the property value in that state was so low. Still not the worst thing said by this tribe. That belongs to Lindsey.

You see, while the boys were butting egos the girls had mostly managed to stay quiet. Which is a smart strategy. Lindsey couldn’t handle it anymore and she decided to pull an Alicia Calaway and wag a finger in some faces. When Mike was asking for the women to do more work Lindsey shot back by questioning who lit the fire they were sitting around. “Did your God come down here and light the fire?” she asked Mike. Whoa, I thought Blue Collars were just hard workers not Real Estate experts and Theologians.

I feel bad for Kelly and Sierra who are probably secretly wishing they had gone the intentional Matsing route.

I’ve been bamboozled (AKA what surprised me this episode)

I did not see Shirin’s ridiculous and awesome character that she is building, coming. Going into the season I thought Shirin would be more of a gamebot than a zingbot. She has proven to be a very entertaining and unique character. Survivor usually struggles to find bizarre, interesting women so I am loving this.

Unfortunately I am mostly surprised by how poorly she is fitting in. She was compared to a howler monkey and a mosquito this episode. All while Tyler, who is the most annoyed with her, is creating great bonds with Carolyn and Joaquin. Sure, Shirin has a good relationship with Max but Max seems to be isolating himself in this game. The edit is telling us Shirin is going next, I just hope it is a red herring.

Who is this jackass? (AKA who has no shot to win and why?)

As tempted as I was to put every single one of the Blue Collars here, I will not. So I will go with Will instead.

Will was the swing vote last week and could have put himself in a power position. Instead he joined the bottom of an alliance and he didn’t even stick to the plan that they made. And now that Nina is gone he is the weakest player in the game. Maybe he will get lucky with a good position in a tribe swap. But outside of that his game is living on a pray.

Stick to the plan (AKA who is in a good position if they just stick to the plan?)

Blue Collar has no plan. No Collar’s only plan is to not lose. So that leaves White Collar.

Over on White Collar, Joaquin needs to stick to the plan. Right now he is doing a great job growing closer to power player Tyler and isolating howler monkey Shirin. All the while he is openly searching for the hidden immunity idol. He is laying low in a tribe full of people trying to stand out. Keep it up.

This is my island (AKA who is running the show)

Tyler and Joe are in the best positions. Tyler is making smart social bonds and his tribe is winning challenges. At some point he is going to have to make some very difficult decisions on who to play the game with. Sometimes having many options is worse than having little options.

Meanwhile Joe is on a Malcolm Freberg journey. His tribe is getting decimated and he has a great bond with a female in Jenn. His only problem is that he is too perfect. He is strong, social and smart and I bet everyone has noticed. If they lose another challenge I could see his tribe take him out knowing the swap is coming up. But if he manages to get to a tribe swap with Jenn then he is in a great position.

FORGET YOU. GO HOME. GOODBYE (AKA my last words for the fallen Survivor)

Oh Nina. For a while there I was nervous you were the next Holly Hoffman and we would have to listen to you whine and cry until you finally got your crap together and started playing the game. Thank goodness that didn’t happen. Your game had as many holes as the bucket in the challenge. You whined, cried and isolated yourself. Even Will knows the game isn’t called, “Friends”. I will say it is remarkable that you had to courage to take this journey despite your disability but when it comes to the game, perception is reality. And I perceive you to be horrible at Survivor.

Kevin W.