Come on in guys for my Survivor Worlds Apart Episode 4 and 5 Review where I use classic Survivor quotes to assess the latest episode.

Look I am what you casuals would call a Survivor Superfan. I love this game, I obsess over it and my wonderful wife gets to listen to me talk about it constantly. Much like Max it is an unhealthy obsession. Going into this season I was stoked to see fellow superfans on the show. I was positive we were going to witness the best strategic season of all time. Well after five episodes I have come to a few realizations about the show.

1. It is hard as all hell
2. The social aspect trumps every other aspect
3. I could never play the game

Being the gamebot fan that I am all three of these realizations were very difficult for me to take in. I always fantasized of dominating this game if I were every lucky enough to be cast. I thought I understand the dynamics and nuances. After watching so many superfans fail this season I realized how mistaken I was.

You can prepare, study, or even teach the game of Survivor before playing Survivor. It might come in handy at some point in the game. But only if your tribemates can stand to be in your presence. My advice to aspiring superfans, learn compassion, become self-aware and figure out how to get along with people. The strategy and physical opportunities will come. But the true core of this game and life in general is how well you get along with other people.

Take a jump and I promise I will hold myself to a higher standard than a female Survivor blogger:

Spoilers Below:

I can get loud too! WHAT THE F*^@? (AKA the quote(s) of the week)

Something a little different this week. No quotes stood out to me. Instead I want to point out how Rupert-esque Mike is becoming. He told us that you never know where your alliance truly stands until you see the names on the parchment. He also informed us that if you don’t have the numbers in this game then you are out. Just spectacular. Next week he will tell us you have to survive all 39 days to have a shot at this game and that Jeff Probst loves blue shirts.

Oh and Tyler called Probst ‘JP’ and that made me extremely happy.

Oh my god these guys are so dumb! (AKA this episode’s worst decision)

Should I retitle this section, “How to Make Enemies and Piss off Millions of Women by The Blue Collar Tribe” for future editions?

When I initially created this section I thought I would be delving into strategy. I thought I would be discussing splits, idol plays and challenge threats. But no. I find myself constantly talking about the cringe worthy things that the Blue Collars muttered. If the Blue Collar tribe represents the heart of America, then the heart of America is a giant dick.

Despite all the misogynist talk the absolute worst decision of the night was done by Dan. After Dan and his alliance successfully voted off Lindsey he started to rip into Sierra. Why? Because Dan and his alliance mates wrote Sierra’s name down to ensure their safety against an idol. Sierra had the nerve of…wait what did she do exactly? She wasn’t screaming or crying or anything. Dan just started ripping into her challenge performances in challenges that they won! Oh man Dan. You are a superfan too! How could you isolate and belittle someone in your tribe? Did you not see what Shambo did in Samoa? I had so much hope for you Dan but I can’t keep making excuses for you.

I’ve been bamboozled (AKA what surprised me this episode)

How about Max and Shirin’s foolish confidence? I know you two were excited to play the game but dayyyyum did you screw this up or what. You both annoyed everyone in your tribes. You both isolated yourselves with nudity. You both isolated yourselves strategically. It was hard to watch.

But I will say this. I think Max learned a huge lesson and I think he should be brought back in the future. I also think this will wake Shirin up and she will go far into the game. These two just got caught up in the bright lights of their favorite show and it burned them. But I have hope for their future.

Who is this jackass? (AKA who has no shot to win and why?)

Lindsey declared that the winner will be from the Blue Collar Tribe. That might be true but it certainly will not be Rodney.

Rodney is in a good position. He has the numbers and he is making friends on the other side. Unfortunately his personality is too firey to win this game outright. Imagine him in front of a jury. My bet is he would just piss everyone on the jury off with his cockiness and attitude.

Sorry bro, you were made to entertain, not win.

Stick to the plan (AKA who is in a good position if they just stick to the plan?)

Jenn is in a great place. She seems like the leader of the former No Collars, she found an idol and she has made nice with a White Collar and a Blue Collar.

My concern is that Nagarote will lose the next challenge and Shirin will try to shake things up. But Shirin is a player so it is best if Jenn just sticks to the plan and knocks her off. After that she can cut ties with Kelly or Carolyn and reunite the No Collars with Joe at the merge.

This is my island (AKA who is running the show)

For Escameca I say Sierra is looking pretty good. Historically being a swing vote is a dangerous position but I think Sierra is smart enough that she will set herself up for a win and not only for revenge.

As for Nagarote, Carolyn is running the tribe now. She deflected to the No Collars and was the driving force behind booting Max. Now she has two 20 somethings, a soft spoken Kelly and a just-happy-to-be-there Will behind her. Plus she has an idol that no one on her side of the island knows about. Go forth and dominate Carolyn. It is your game to lose.

FORGET YOU. GO HOME. GOODBYE (AKA my last words for the fallen Survivor)

Lindsey, I believed you to be a dark horse in this game. I thought people would underestimate you. Unfortunately you were too strong, too dangerous. Your tribe sensed you were here to play the game and they cut you down early. It is really too bad because despite some questionable social game choices I thought you had potential to kill after the merge.

And Professor Max, I have nothing but respect for your knowledge of the game. You just got too caught up in the adventure. I don’t blame you and I am sure you would do better with another chance. Through your failings you have taught a lot of superfans that the hardest and most important part of this game is the social aspect. In that regard you are truly the Survivor Professor.

Kevin W.