Come on in guys for my Survivor Worlds Apart Episode 8 Review where I use classic Survivor quotes to assess the latest episode.

There are a lot of elements in the production of Survivor that has kept the show relevant. Despite some questionable decisions we all know that Jeff Probst is the best possible host we could ever ask for. Add him to the stunning camera work and the impeccable music and sound teams and we have quite the beautiful product. 30 seasons in and the team behind the castaways are full blown professionals who still work their asses off for every single episode.

But the most important aspect of the show is the edit. The editors have the gargantuan task of boiling down 936 hours of footage into 15 (ish) hours. They have to craft a story that is interesting but not predictable. After 30 full seasons doing the latter has to be extremely difficult.

Some seasons they show greatness and domination like Redemption Island and One World. Other seasons they focus on how quirky and entertaining the cast is like Gabon and Cagayan. And every once in a while they even focus on big issues like race and religion as seen in Cook Islands and South Pacific.

And then there are some seasons that are so full of explosive characters and moments that the editors get to have their most fun. Worlds Apart is becoming that season where I bet everything on the cutting room floor is almost as entertaining as the actual product.

Take a jump with me as I explore the magnificent edit of this episode and I promise I will prove to you that this superfan knows how to count…and spell.

Spoilers Below:

I can get loud too! WHAT THE F*^@? (AKA the quote(s) of the week)

“I would leave my kid with Rodney before Dan” – Hali

“OWTUIT, O己’↑L^TAY, OUTLAST”- Dan’s Puzzle Board

Oh my god these guys are so dumb! (AKA this episode’s worst decision)

I have written about how I love Survivor players that are easy to hate. I love the Drew Christy downfall stories and I love the #ChaosKass’s of the world pissing their entire tribe off. Without these players the show would be too kind and boring.

One would think that I am loving Dan for this reason. He is outspoken, cocky and just an asshole all around. Unfortunately something about Dan pisses me off so bad that I don’t want him on the show anymore. I am not entertained. You just suck.

Perhaps it is because he believes he is representing superfans. Or maybe it is because he is a try-hard that is trying everything to be remembered. Or maybe it is because he is a bag full of contradictions when it comes to strategy.

Let’s outline his strategy views here:

A. He tells Shirin that superfans can’t count and she should join his side because of the numbers

B. He states there are two kinds of players, those who do too much and lose and those that do too little and lose.

C. He finishes off by saying that flippers never win.

So let’s review, he tells Shirin that she won’t win because she isn’t doing enough and she is on the wrong side of the numbers. Therefore Shirin should flip to his side. But flippers don’t win Dan. And isn’t she doing too much at that point and will be voted off?

Here you are, judging her game through your lens. You perceive her to be an idiot because the game she is playing is unwinnable. And then you attempt to “help” her with a plan that is, according to yourself, unwinnable.

In your eyes she has absolutely 0.0% chance at winning. Since puzzles are difficult for you Dan I will give you a multiply choice of what you should do at this moment of realization:

Should you:

A. Belittle, and berate someone you perceive will 100% without a doubt be a jury member.

B. Assume she is an idiot and write her off without keeping an eye on her.

C. Realize that she is perfectly aware of her position in the game and that her calmness probably means she has a big plan to put herself into a winning position and hey maybe you should be nice to her so she will drag you to the end as a goat or at least not put a giant target on your back in her master plan?

So Dan, take your superfan snark, your racist name remarks and your misogynist musings and get the eff off of my TV. Sure you will be remembered. You will go down as the most disliked contestant this side of Colton Cumbie.

I’ve been bamboozled (AKA what surprised me this episode)

I love conspiracy theories. I don’t put much credit into their truthfulness but I love their creativity. Ever since Samoa many fans believe that hidden immunity idols were rigged. Fans believed the producers would give them to their favorites and would film a fake scene of the player “finding” the idol.

Cagayan gave these theories even more fuel when Tony was finding idols like a magician finds coins behind ears. After the season Tony was furious that people assumed he didn’t earn his idols. He claimed he spent the most time looking for the idols. He said it took days of digging and searching and he used every opportunity he had to find them.

My biggest surprise of the episode was the edit behind Mike’s idol find. This was a direct response to those conspiracy theorists and it was one of the most entertaining scenes of the entire show of Survivor.

It all started when Joe discovered an idol clue in a bottle of soda that Carolyn was drinking. Joe somehow jedi-mind-tricked Carolyn into handing over her near empty bottle. Joe then attempting to deep throat the clue before getting caught by Tyler.

Tyler remained calm and didn’t call Joe out, he simply waited for Joe to make the next move and made sure Joe knew that he knew. Joe shows Tyler the clue all while Mike is shown spying on the two of them. Mike cooly, calmly and collectively corners Tyler and doesn’t speak a word before Tyler owns up to the clue.

At this point Mike starts searching for the idol while stalking Joe. Mike realizes he needs Joe to stop looking so he lies and tells everyone that Joe found the idol. Joe realizes what Mike is doing but also realizes there is power in the lie and decides to not fight it.

Mike then goes off and searches for the idol. The editors go over the top with his search montage. He is digging, climbing, running. He is exhausted and looks like he is about to pass out. Mike is narrating his own search as if it is a journey of self discovery. And then he finally finds it. The music changes, he waxes poetically about hard-work paying off. The editors want you to know he is hard-working, he is blue collar, he is Merica.

Contrast that to Tony’s edit during his idol finds. Tony wants an idol so he goes and finds it. He then makes some funny noises and the music is goofy. He adds the idol to his growing collection and that’s it.

I loved the over-the-top-winner-esque-idol-find-edit that Mike got. Why surprised me was that Tony didn’t get that same treatment and he was the winner! What does that mean for Mike? It almost seems to easy. “Mike is blue collar and his hard work paid off and he won the game” is almost too good of a story and it kills the suspense of the season. Editors have spent the last few seasons killing the theory of a winner’s edit. So why do back to a winner’s edit all of a sudden? Something is not as it seems.

Who is this jackass? (AKA who has no shot to win and why?)

Well the obvious answer is Dan because he is really, really bad at everything. I spent enough time covering that so I will go with Will here.

Who? It’s ok, you aren’t the only one who has forgotten about Will. Actually the only person who hasn’t forgotten about Will is Rodney.

Will was the only one to vote for Hali last week and then this week the No Collars didn’t even realize he had flipped. How does a flipper get an under-the-radar edit? How does betrayal get zero airtime? How can someone who can make sandwiches out of nothing, sing Bon Jovi and make it to the merge be this over looked?

I can’t even believe this. Will is destined to be the most forgotten third place finisher of all time. Sorry buddy.

Stick to the plan (AKA who is in a good position if they just stick to the plan?)

I don’t know your plan Shirin but I know you have something brewing so keep sticking with that.

I do know your plan Rodney and it is exactly what you should be doing. Stay with the numbers until seven and flip. You have laid the groundwork. Sure the people you chose to flip with, Carolyn, Tyler and Will seem…eclectic but nevertheless it could work! Stay the course bro!

This is my island (AKA who is running the show)

Who has an idol no one knows about, a strong partner and is in the numbers? Well Mike and Carolyn do of course! Mike found his idol last week, has Dan and the Blue Collars. Carolyn found her idol is episode one, has Tyler and is the swing vote. Both are in great positions but each have different advantages.

Mike has the social advantage. Everyone loves him and listens to him. He can convince his team to switch their votes at a moments notice like he did from Joe to Joaquin two weeks ago and Hali to Jenn last week and Shirin to Hali this week. He is the leader. He is Captain Merica.

Carolyn seems to hate everyone but Tyler. Which means she has no frets over cutting people’s throats. Plus she is in a swing position and people are coming to her with plans. And she also has challenge threats everywhere in Mike, Joe, Tyler and Rodney. She can hide in plain sight until the end without any problems.

So who is running the show? Mike is now but Carolyn will take over soon.

FORGET YOU. GO HOME. GOODBYE (AKA my last words for the fallen Survivor)

Oh Hali, you are by far my favorite patriot. You seemed like you were having a blast every moment out there and I appreciate watching that. You had the most bizarre, awesome edit that I have seen in a very long time. You love the Constitution, body-surfing, Merica and so much more. Much like the bee and Jenn, it stung losing you but you left your mark.

Kevin W.