Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead rankings!
Every week Jesse and Kevin provide rankings based on who we think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. We give ourselves points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then Kevin will have four points and Jesse will have two points.
TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Last week, no one important died. Just the random diabetic girl.
This week Kevin looks forward to season 26 of The Walking Dead. Meanwhile, Jesse talks about who’s getting laid and who’s not.
Season Score: Jesse 26 Kevin 22
- Judith- I can’t wait for season 26 of The Walking Dead when Judith and Maggie’s kid are the saviors of the human race. Can we fast forward a bit?
- Daryl- You grunted through another episode centered around you. For some reason you are still a fan favorite. But now you have lost your jacket, motorcycle and crossbow. Will you lose your fanbase too? Probably not.
- Maggie- Okay now I am convinced that Glenn isn’t really dead. Which bums me out because I will have to recalculate our points for the season.
- Rick- Last time we saw you, you gained control of the city and of Jessie. You are riding high.
- Carol- How long has it been since we have seen Carol? The answer is always ‘too long’.
- Rosita- I’m having serious regrets having Rosita on this list. If she disappears for more than four episodes can we just count that as dead? Please?
- Sasha- Your exciting car ride is finally complete. And then you spent the entire episode locked in a room. 😦
- Abraham- This episode was like a video game for you. You regained energy, you stocked up on rocket launcher ammo and you unlocked a new outfit.
- Eugene- Jesse is calling you JarJar Binks but you remind me more of Star Wars Kid.
- Denise- So Denise went Orange is the New Black on Tara. That’s the whole joke. Sorry.
- Michonne- Remember when you were best friends with the idiot that was Andrea? Back then you actually had something to do with your badass sword. Since then you have had very little to do and that makes me sad.
- Tara- You are the worst. You are still hanging around and you stole Eugene’s girl.
- Morgan- I just want a standalone episode between Morgan and Carol. Or Morgan and Rick. Or Morgan and Michonne. Or Morgan and anyone.
- Heath- Hey you’re that guy hanging out with Michonne. That’s cool. Good for you. And you have that crazy hair…yay…
- Jessie- Jesse’s new favorite character. I don’t blame him. If a hot blonde named Kevina showed up on the show I would probably do the same thing.
- Enid- To further move my metaphor forward, if Enid is Belle then Carl is definitely the ware-wolf one (he hasn’t had a haircut in like 6 years). That would make Ron the vampire. Who won in Twilight? Someone please tell me. I never finished the first movie.
- Carl- Jesse joked that Carl fought worse than Ronda Rousey last week. I’m pretty sure that statement would be true 10/10 times. Ronda may have lost but she can still kick the ass of 99% of the world.
- Aaron- I’m going to be upset if they name the baby Aaron or Erin. Unless Aaron dies dramatically to save Maggie or something. But if that happens then new Aaron would replace dead Aaron on this list. That would frustrate me.
- Father Gabriel- I am 99.9% positive that the end is near for you! I can’t wait to watch you disappoint me on Sunday!
- Deanna- I hope you aren’t around much longer. I have had enough of politicians already. And it’s not even 2016 yet.
- Judith – A day will come when Judith does something interesting. This won’t be the day. Or season. Or year.
- Rick – Now that he’s back in the saddle (ya know, leadin’ and kissin’ and all that), maybe Rick will actually smile this season.
- Daryl – Last week was Daryl’s turn in the rotation. How’d he do? I’d say he was more NLCS Jake Arrieta than Cy Young winner Arrieta.
John ConnorCarl – Don’t worry Carl, Ronda Rousey will bounce back. You on the other hand…
- Morgan – Please, give us more Morgan. It’s not that hard, is it?
- Maggie – The return of Glenn is a no win situation. If he’s not dead, then it was a cheap tactic to build suspense. If he is dead, then it was a really lame way for him to go out.
- Carol – I guess it is that hard to give us more Morgan and Carol, isn’t it?
- Abraham – Sheamus finally concluded his harrowing car parade, spent two minutes fleeing from his pursuers before gunning them down, then went on a nice peaceful stroll through the zombie apocalypse. Life is cool when you’re a WWE superstar in the zombie apocalypse.
- Michonne – Guess who’s not back in the saddle? In fact, I’m not sure Michonne ever saddled up in the first place. Makes me wanna cry.
- Jessie – Yep, I think she’s hot. I’m also happy we share a similar name. Sue me.
- Denise – I haven’t watched Orange is the New Black so I didn’t get Kevin’s joke. I’m crying again.
- Enid – I’ve never done this before, but I’m openly questioning why we’re still ranking Enid. It’s not that I don’t enjoy Kevin’s metaphor (it’s pretty great), I’m just running out of material for her. And it’s making me look bad.
- Rosita – Heard the new Tomb Raider game was pretty sweet. Oh right, we don’t make that joke for her anymore. Why is she still here?
- Aaron – We took Aaron’s boyfriend off of our rankings and now I can’t remember his name. Seriously.
- Eugene – If you really want to go full Jar Jar, then you have to clumsily help the survivors win a decisive battle in the near future. Not intentionally, of course, but hey you pull it off.
- Sasha – Waiting to reach the end of the parade. Standing around a house waiting for Daryl to show up. Waiting for Sheamus to return from his walk. All Sasha has done this season is wait for everyone else to do something while doing nothing.
- Tara – Now that you have found happiness and instilled a positive attitude in someone else, you are finished, tootse.
- Heath – I hate Heath. Mainly because I have to write about him and I hardly even know him. I wonder what his favorite color is. Or if he prefers Star Wars to Star Trek. I need to know these things, damn it!
- Deanna – Really sucks that Deanna wasn’t around this week. I live for getting to see her stare off in the distance. Is my sarcasm font on?
- Father Gabriel – Seriously, I have a feeling that Gabriel is dead and no one cared enough to show him. Give me 20 points Kevin! Now!