Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead Death Rankings!
Every week Jesse and Kevin will provide rankings based on who they think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. They get points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then Kevin will have four points and Jesse will have two points.
This week Kevin buys Carol a drink. Meanwhile Jesse runs out of steam a quarter of the way through and starts winging it.
Click here to catch up on our previous hilarious insights.
Click below to see our score. Warning: TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Season Score: Jesse 50 Kevin 50
- Judith- Remember when we all thought your mom was annoying and useless, Judith? Well at least she wasn’t dumb enough to constantly put you in danger. Take notes Maggie.
- Daryl- Look at Daryl being all comforting to Carol at the end of the episode this week. And he didn’t even mumble his words! That’s character growth you guys!
- Maggie- Maggie is a clear bad ass right? But if I were Carol I would’ve been a bit annoyed. Every 5 minutes it was like, “Carol kill this person. Carol kill that person.” This younger generation really wants everything handed to them don’t they?
- Rick- The difference between Rick and other leaders in this world? Rick just shoots people in the face as soon as he’s done with them. Every other leader jabbers on until they are dead themselves.
- Carol- Hi Carol. Have a seat. Here’s a drink. How about you sit on the sidelines for a few weeks? I think you need a vacation. No, no, don’t get up. Take it easy. That’s good! You’ve carried this show and this group long enough. You deserve a break.
- Carl- You know what the say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I’m seriously tapped out of eye puns now. Please do something Carl.
- Michonne- I just imagine Michonne rolling her eyes at Carol’s claim of killing 20ish people. Michonne’s like “bitch you have some catching up to do.”
- Morgan- Tangent time! Stick with me. I recently become vegetarian. It was something I never imagined doing. I thought vegetarians were crazy people. But one day I woke up and was a vegetarian. And now I can sense other people think I’m a crazy person. In a weird way I connect with Morgan. He’s going against the grain and everyone thinks he is crazy for it. But it looks like he may have converted Carol to his ways. Welcome to the crazy people’s club Carol!
- Sasha- How incredibly small does this love triangle between Sasha, Abe and Rosita feel after this latest episode? It’s like the show should spend more time on the emotional hardship of having to kill people, having to watch people die and having to constantly fight for your life in a horrible world instead of, you know, people banging and shit. Who knew?
- Abraham- Seriously, while Carol is dealing with the morality of killing strangers to protect your own people, Abraham is trying to figure out with black hair beauty he wants to bump uglies with. #FirstWorldApocalypseProblems
- Rosita- And to finish off this threesome, we have Rosita who doesn’t even get a say in this relationship. She has to sit by and watch Abe walk out the door. I wish Rosita would’ve tagged along with Carol and Maggie on this adventure. They could’ve trained her on how to be a badass. She has the potential!
- Jesus- Jesus wasn’t in this episode. Or was he guiding Carol through her emotional struggle? Oh, wrong Jesus. My bad.
- Enid- Hey Enid, you gotta get Maggie in shape. If she keeps putting the baby in jeopardy how are you ever going to babysit for her? You need to take control over your future career. You and Carl will raise Judith and Maggie’s kid and…oh god…the future of the world is fucked.
- Eugene- I have a weird theory that Abraham doesn’t exist. He’s just a figment of Eugene’s imagination. Think about it, Abe is strong and badass and has two ladies fighting over him. Abe doesn’t really interact with anyone outside of Eugene, Rosita and Sasha. Plus, Eugene spends a lot of time alone. And we all know he is good at making up stories about himself. I’m just saying that if The Walking Dead ends with Eugene waking up in a hospital from a coma, I tried to warn you.
- Denise- Doctors never seem to last long on this show. It probably has something to do with raising the stakes of the characters. But for some reason you are hanging around. It can’t last.
- Aaron- I’ve mentioned my theory about Aaron sacrificing himself to save Maggie before. And I thought it was totally going to happen this episode. But once again Aaron was a giant disappointment. What else is new.
- Tara- The actress who plays Tara is like a 3rd string quarterback. Gets paid to do nothing. And when she finally does something everyone holds their breath in fear.
- Father Gabriel- At the end of the episode when Rick and the gang came into the building, Gabe stormed in like a professional cop. He had his gun and was scouting the area like he has been doing it all his life and not just one episode. That’s cool I guess.
- Gregory- Remember when you were stabbed in the stomach and Jesse thought we could get some easy points off of you? That feels like forever ago.
- Glenn- Holy shit your wife just almost died again and so did your unborn child how the fuck did you not hug her to death and kiss her and hold her and never let go what is wrong with you people I know this sentence is a runon and grammatically incorrect but I am just too mad to type correctly when Glenn isn’t showing the proper amount of joy and relief when he was finally reunited with the love of his life all he did was ask if she was okay like she just had a bad day at the office because her boss yelled at her and not like she just survived four crazy people with guns and knives and shit what the fuck?
- Judith – There was a time when Judith was fun to make fun of. There was another time when I was annoyed by her existence. Now I just don’t like to spend any time talking about her.
- Rick – Remember when Rick used to like to give people a chance? Now he’ll just pop a dude in the face without even hesitating.
- Daryl – While I’m here waxing nostalgic, it’s nice to see that Daryl and Carol’s friendship is still really strong despite them not interacting most of the season. Or last season.
- John Connor Carl – Perhaps the guy who plays Carl decided he was missing too much school to film this show and that’s why he hasn’t been around? Right, that was a dumb idea. Nevermind.
- Morgan – I don’t think Morgan would’ve approved of Carol’s killing rampage in this episode.
- Maggie – Not a bad episode for Maggie. That’s the best compliment I can give.
- Glenn – Almost shot Maggie.
- Carol – Don’t. Fuck. With. Carol.
- Abraham – Going for the tag team titles.
- Michonne – Not the baddest bitch in the yard anymore.
- Denise – Making love to Tara?
- Jesus – Spreading his father’s gospel.
- Enid – Listening to Taking Back Sunday?
- Rosita – Eating ice cream and watching Jerry Maguire.
- Aaron – Gone. Won’t see him again.
- Eugene – Who cares?
- Sasha – Having second thoughts about Abe?
- Tara – Ahem. Sorry Tara. Didn’t mean to hurt your feelings last week. Now put down the fork.
- Father Gabriel – He’s been going to target practice?
- Gregory – Hopefully he’s dead. Dead dead dead.