Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead Death Rankings!
Every week Jesse and Kevin will provide rankings based on who they think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. They get points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then Kevin will have four points and Jesse will have two points.
This week Kevin continues to ramble about his ‘Abraham is a figment of Eugene’s imagination’ theory. Meanwhile Jesse vomits continuously.
Click here to catch up on our previous hilarious insights.
Click below to see our score. Warning: TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Season Score: Jesse had Denise (who?) at 11 and Kevin had her at 15.
Jesse 50 61 Kevin 50 65
- Judith- This last episode highlighted the mundane, everyday life that our fearless group is facing now. I couldn’t tell if this was the writers way of saying, “is this what you all want? Peaceful and boring living?” but it actually made me grateful that the writers have kept this group moving for six seasons now. Without all of their poor decisions this show would only be about rebuilding a new society. Which isn’t really entertaining right?
- Daryl- I felt like we were trudging ahead towards character growth for Daryl . He reluctantly went on a trip with some people he didn’t care for and he even eventually let them choose the path to go down on their way home. But that path led to Denise’s death. That’s what Daryl gets for trying to be kind and understanding. So yeah, I don’t think Daryl will be relinquishing control anytime soon. One step forward, two steps back.
- Maggie- With Carol ditching the group someone else is going to have to step up and save Maggie when she gets herself in trouble. Isn’t that what husbands are for?
- Rick- A Rickless episode I believe. It felt refreshing and less…crazy?
- Carol- Last week I told Carol to take a vacation. And after living a boring, mundane existence for like, 35 minutes, she is finally taking that vacation! Good for you girl. You’ve saved these ungrateful turds enough times. Enjoy yourself.
- Carl- I don’t know about you but I haven’t seen Carl for a few weeks. Maybe I need glasses.
- Michonne- While Carol is having an existential crisis about killing other people to protect her people, Michonne is just sitting in the corner, sharpening her katana, waiting until she gets another chance to take some assholes down.
- Morgan- He built a prison and practiced his stick swinging. I’m so glad the wait for Morgan to return is over! He really brings it every episode. That was sarcasm by the way.
- Sasha- You see what happens when you leave Abe with Eugene? Bad things!
- Abraham- To further back up my theory that Abraham is just a figment of Eugene’s imagination. Abraham and Eugene speak in the same manner. They both use overly complicated words and phrases to get their points across in a bewildering manner. Abe is usually clever and uses toilet humor metaphors while Eugene packs a lot of big words into a sentence. But neither of them back down from the truth. They just take a round about way to get there. Pay attention next time, they speak with the same tone and beat.
- Rosita- Hot damn it’s about time we got some Rosita action! She’s a great sidekick character and it’s a shame she hasn’t been used more! I’m not being sarcastic!
- Jesus- It’s Easter Sunday today, will Jesus make an appearance?
- Enid- Nothing in this episode happened that will have any impact on you whatsoever. You’re just sitting at the end of the bench on this team aren’t you?
- Eugene- Like I was saying before, Abe is a figment of Eugene’s imagination. And this week he literally told this figment that he doesn’t need him anymore! Eugene, like Denise, faced his shit and grew as a character! Much like Denise I’m sure he will die soon because we can’t have character growth around here people!
- Aaron- Now that Denise is gone I fully expect Aaron to replace her as the “who the hell is this character?” texts I get from Jesse every week.
- Tara- Rosita got to go on an adventure, Abe and Eugene broke up and were reunited and your girl Denise died. And you were no where to be seen. WHY ARE YOU STILL ON THIS SHOW THEN?!
- Father Gabriel- I would make a religious/Easter joke here but I already did that with Jesus. Sorry Father.
- Gregory- Okay so is this guy ever coming back on the show? Can we act like he died so I can get 18 points? Oh wait, Jesse would get 19 points if that happened? Never mind, he’s staying.
- Glenn- Maggie’s body guard, Carol, has run away. Why do I have a terrible feeling you’re going to go chase her and leave your pregnant wife behind? Oh because you’re totally going to go chase her and leave your pregnant wife behind. That’s why.
RIP Denise- Last week I stated that doctors never last long on this show. Ah ha! I finally said something right! Take that Jesse!
- Judith – Still waiting for her first words.
- Rick – AMC refers to his relationship with Michonne as “Richonne.” Excuse me while I go throw up.
- Daryl – Trying to save strangers? Bad Daryl. Going back to killing strangers? Good Daryl.
- John Connor Carl – I saw Carl in the preview for tonight’s episode. Until then I thought he was dead.
- Morgan – You should’ve left with Carol. These buttholes don’t appreciate you, Morgan.
- Maggie – Carol leaving is a crucial loss for Maggie’s cabinet.
- Glenn – Better start brainstorming your official title for when Maggie becomes President. I vote for First Dude.
- Carol – I hope you’ll be back someday, but not before a lot of people die.
- Abraham – I totally called Sheamus’ return, but that’s about as impressive as predicting that he’ll also have an utterly pointless match at Wrestlemania.
- Michonne – Dear God, it’s coming back up. Excuse me.
- Jesus – He has risen. Happy Easter everyone!
- Enid – You know things are going south when Kevin runs out of eye puns.
- Rosita – This was the character arc you should’ve had two years ago.
- Aaron – I’m sorry, who is this person again? My sister’s fiance is named Aaron, so there’s that.
- Eugene – Wait, Eugene knows how to make bullets?! Why did he not offer to do this for the rest of the group? Kinda useful.
- Sasha – Real glad that we got to see Sasha on guard duty. That was riveting as fuck.
- Tara – I swear, no more fat jokes. They are too easy and I’m more clever than that, at least that’s what I tell myself.
- Father Gabriel – Again, thanks for showing Gabe making the rounds. Gripping stuff.
- Gregory – I need those 19 points guys. He’s dead, right?
RIP Denise – The doc’s demise continues the trend of people dying on this show once they become interesting. And you gave Kevin the lead. I hate this show.