Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead Death Rankings!
This week Kevin and Jesse somehow manage to reference R. Kelly, Rick and Morty, The Dark Knight , The Hangover and Les Miserables. How did they do it? Find out below.
(Remember, every week Jesse and Kevin will provide rankings based on who they think will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. They get points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Rick dies this week then I will have four points and Jesse will have two points.)
Click here to catch up on our previous hilarious insights.
Click below to see our score. Warning: TV spoilers start now (no comic spoilers):
Jesse 39 Kevin 39
- Judith- Okay I think it’s serious time we start discussing retiring baby Judith from these rankings. We probably haven’t seen Judith in an actual episode for an entire calendar year at this point. And Jesse and I have had her in the number one spot for the majority of our rankings. Plus I’m all out of baby jokes. It might just be time to put the pacifier in the mouth. Okay I had one last one.
- Morgan- I loved when Morgan was preparing Carol to meet Zeke. It’s like when you’re nervous to introduce your new friend to your old friends. “He’s…uh…interesting and he uh…he’s an acquired taste okay? And uh…well just keep an open mind alright?”
- Enid- There are a few people on this list that we haven’t seen in months. Most of them, Jesus and Tara, we have no idea their location. But Enid? Enid’s still in the closet. Somebody call R. Kelly because Enid is trapped in the closet.
- Rick- Sometimes I like to imagine this show with Rick from Rick and Morty leading the group. “BUUUURRP, don’t break your arm jerking yourself Carl.” I think it would really enhance the show.
- Jesus- I’m starting to lose faith that Jesus ever existed.
- Tara- I should do 3 seconds of research to find out where Tara is right now buuut I’ve got stuff to do.
- Carl- If we are replacing Rick with Rick can we go ahead and replace Carl with Morty? “Aww gee Rick, you c-c-can’t blow up earth just because it’s overrun by zombies!”
- Maggie- Well the good news is that the first trimester of pregnancy is always the hardest right? I’m looking for any silver lining I can here.
- Rosita- Now that Abe is gone and Tara is missing, doesn’t it feel awkward to have Rosita around? It’s like a friend of a friend that doesn’t get the hint to go home after your mutual friend has left.
- King Ezekiel– King Zeke! Yes! We needed this dude. He has a tiger. And a fake Shakespearean acting job. And grey dreads! I want King Zeke to be my king, and my uncle. He’s so cool.
- Michonne- I want Michonne to start kicking ass again because when she isn’t everything in life is just a little more boring.
- Negan- At first I was upset Negan wasn’t in this episode because I find him far more fascinating than 95% of the people on this show. But I think it was good to take a break from the psycho. Good for my mental health.
- Daryl- Looks like Daryl is starring in the upcoming episode. I should drop him in the rankings just based on logic that he is the only one on this list that could die. Then again, they aren’t killing Daryl in episode 3 of a new season.
- Eugene- I ant Eugene and Zeke to meet each other and swap stories of how they fooled groups of people into following them. “I told them I could solve this zombie crisis!” both of them laugh, “Well I told them I wrestled this tiger!” More laughter.
- Carol- “I don’t know what the hell is going on in the most wonderful way.” Bravo Carol, you just summed up seven seasons of The Walking Dead.
- Aaron- Remember when Aaron had a boyfriend and a homophobic horse? Those were the days.
- Sasha- Sasha bo basha fe fi fo fasha, Sasha!
- Father Gabriel- I feel like Alexandria, and everyone currently living there, is just a ticking time bomb getting ready to detonate.
- Gregory- Okay, unless we see Gregory in a preview ad next episode, he is off this list! I promise.
- Judith- What’s been going Judith? You been doing all your homework? Focusing on your subjects? Oh, that’s right you’re still just a baby. Is this gonna be like The Simpsons or Family Guy where the baby on the show never ages? Because that would be hilarious.
- Rick- So Rick isn’t in charge anymore. At least he conceded defeat. You think Trump will do that on Tuesday if he doesn’t win the election? Neither do I.
- Daryl- Anyone up for a Daryl/Negan solo episode? Because I could go for a Daryl/Negan solo episode.
- John Connor Carl- I don’t have anything good to say to you right now.
- Tara- I may not have any idea where Tara is still, but I do remember what I had for breakfast this time. It was a fig bar and a bowl of Pumpkin-O’s.
- Morgan- I think Morgan was just thrilled that King Ezekiel is a black guy. There’s been enough white guys on this show in positions of power. Let’s mix it up a little bit! Make The Walking Dead great again! Whoops, wrong slogan. I can’t wait for all of this crap to be over with.
- Maggie- To me, Maggie is like Fantine from Les Miserables. They even kind of look alike now. If she breaks into “I Dreamed a Dream” next time we see her, I think the universe is going to explode.
- Enid- Nice going Carl. Leave someone in the closet for weeks without food or water and the last thing you tell them is, “Survive. Somehow.” Who are you man? Jigsaw?
- Gregory- So does Gregory really exist or does Kevin just like to see how many characters he can get me to write about? Well two can play at that game! Introducing…
- King Ezekiel- Carol’s reaction to Zeke pretty much summed up my feelings about him. Also, this scene from The Hangover. “Holy shit, he’s not kidding! There’s a tiger in the bathroom!”
- Negan- Remember when The Dark Knight came out and people were way more interested in the Joker than they were in Batman? I think that’s where I’m at with Negan.
- Father Gabriel- Now I know why Gabe got left behind. The writers didn’t know what to do with him and just needed him off the show for a bit. This happens in wrestling all the time. “Creative has nothing for you.”
- Carol- Why is everyone trying to tell Carol how to live her life? If she wants to be detached and not care about anyone and eat as much cookie dough as she wants, then she should be allowed to, damit! Alright, the cookie dough one is my life, not hers. But you get the point.
- Michonne- We’re at that point on the show where Michonne is way tougher than pretty much all of the guys. Not because of anything she’s done, but I mean look at who she’s stacked up against. Aaron. Gabe. Gregory. It’s pretty bad, everybody.
- Jesus- Man, waiting for the second coming of Jesus is an extremely arduous process. I would make more jokes about religion, but I don’t want to divide our readers. We don’t have that many as it is.
- Rosita- So this is the part where Rosita gets extremely depressed and will tell anyone who will listen that Abe was the best guy she ever knew and she’ll never find love again, right? Except she may actually be right. The pickings are pretty slim.
- Aaron- Hey whatever happened to Aaron’s boyfriend? Did he get killed? Has he just been away for a long time? It’s driving me crazy that I can’t remember.
- Eugene- Guys, I forgot Eugene when I was talking about how tough Michonne is by comparison now. She may as well be Black Widow at this point.
- Sasha- What do Sasha and Rick have in common? All their love interests get killed. These guys would be terrible at RPG’s.