Now that you’ve had some time to recover from experiencing the Red Wedding for the first time, I’d imagine you feel mostly satisfied in regards to the latest season of “Game of Thrones”. Granted, it wasn’t perfect and there were a couple of issues I’ll discuss at length below, but overall I thought there was enough quality content to warrant splitting the third book of Martin’s series in to two separate seasons. Let’s dish out a few awards!
Game of Thrones: “Mhysa” Review by Jesse Schaffer
Update: Yeah yeah, I’m a little late with this puppy. And by a little I mean almost three weeks after it aired. But who’s counting?
The Planet Express Crew’s Final Delivery by Jesse Schaffer
Kevin: So you know, Futurama is getting canceled again.
Me: What the hell? Why?
Kevin: I don’t know. It’s a real shame.
Me: That’s horrible news. Why don’t more people watch Futurama? What the hell is wrong them?
Kevin: Beats me but to be honest I never watch the new episodes when they air. I just catch the repeats.
That snippet of our conversation perfectly captures the plight of Futurama, a beloved science fiction comedy program doomed to be forever underappreciated and neglected by network executives. Alas, despite a miraculous comeback, we are being forced to say goodbye to it once again. I don’t want to live on this planet any more!
Game of Thrones Power Rankings Week 10
Whether you watch Game of Thrones or not, by now you’ve heard about what’s become known as “The Red Wedding.” It’s received a significant amount of national media attention; author George R.R. Martin and several prominent cast members have appeared on a variety of talk shows and I’ve lost count of the people who have said that it was the most shocking or violent scene that they’ve ever witnessed on television. As I predicted, the fallout from last week’s episode has been enormous and it altered nearly every perception about where Thrones is heading in future seasons. It may have had an even bigger effect on the last edition of our weekly (minus a few) Thrones power rankings. I know there’s still the season finale this Sunday, but next week I’ll be doing something a little different. Stay tuned.
It’s Not Always Sunny in Denver
The Denver Broncos are stampeding through their offseason. The Colorado Avalanche have turned to an old pal to save them again. The Colorado Rockies are beaming with “I told you so’s”. As the summer begins everything is sunny in Denver. Well, not everything.
Compared to 2012, Rockies Are a Mile High by Jesse Schaffer
After the epic failure that was the 2012 Colorado Rockies campaign, my expectations coming into this season were low to say the least. The Rockies did little to shake up a roster that lost a franchise record 98 games and moronically retained the general manager who presided over that catastrophe. Not exactly the wisest strategy to win back the trust of fans who year after year have given the team far more support than it deserves. Two months into the 2013 season, 20 years since professional baseball came to Colorado, have the Rockies bounced back or are they just setting us up for another colossal disappointment?
Game of Thrones: “The Rains of Castamere” Review by Jesse Schaffer
There comes a point in every fantasy story when we encounter the following scene – our beloved protagonist comes face-to-face with a seemingly insurmountable circumstance while in pursuit of their goal, and enemies are closing in all around them. With no solution or escape in sight, we the audience fear that the hero is about to meet their premature demise, only to watch as they are miraculously saved by an outside force or an extremely fortunate development. No matter what kind of devilry the villains can concoct, the good guys always prevail in the end. Ho hum.
Game of Thrones Power Rankings Week 9
Much like the regular season in competitive sports, most of the episodes in a season of television don’t carry much significance. Sure, there are some memorable performances and powerful moments along the way, but those episodes lack the lasting impact of a season finale or the chapter that leads into it. ‘Game of Thrones’ follows this formula to a tee and if the first two seasons are any indication, then “The Rains of Castamere” is going to be a showcase of epic (and likely bloody) proportions. Having read the books I know what’s in store for us tonight and next week, and so long as they stick to the source material it should be a hell of a stretch run. Yes, my expectations are high, (spoiler alert), but that’s what happens when you kill off Ned Stark one year and then give us the stunning Battle of Blackwater the next.
“Fast and Furious 6” Review by Jesse Schaffer
There’s a scene in Fast 6 that is so poorly written and acted that I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. I don’t believe the writer’s intent was to evoke humor here; in fact it was supposedly one of the more meaningful parts of the film that was attempting to capitalize on years of escalating storylines and character development. I laughed all the same, and every time the script pumped the brakes on the action in exchange for drama, the unintentional comedy and cheesy dialogue only became more noticeable. If this was ANY other franchise, I would knock it for being a noisy, silly, stunt-filled showcase devoid of any real human emotion. However, this is the Fast and Furious series; it has long since fully embraced that identity and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. To go into this expecting to see a deep, thought-provoking summer movie would be akin to going to a strip club in order to meet a girl you can take home to mom.
“Star Trek Into Darkness” Review by Jesse Schaffer
Depending on where you fall in the whole Star Trek vs. Star Wars debate, you may view the upcoming slate of films to be a period of intense competition or a window of rare opportunity. I’m inclined to side with the latter. After all, it’s not every day that the same promising young filmmaker is chosen to helm the two most iconic science fiction franchises in modern history, much less tackle them back-to-back. Myself, I’ve loved Star Wars since the opening credits crawled across my screen for the first time, while I never quite saw the appeal in Star Trek (go ahead Trekkies, have at me). However, J.J. Abrams won me over with his 2009 reboot and I’ve been eagerly anticipating the sequel ever since. As it turns out, my enthusiasm was well-founded. Darkness is my favorite movie of the year so far and now I’m more eager than ever to see what Abrams can accomplish with Star Wars, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it (only 2 more years!). Minor spoilers below.
Flimsy Film Critics 