Welcome back to our Walking Dead Death Rankings! Last week was set-up for numerous deaths and we were expecting plenty of blood. As is the norm with The Walking Dead, we were disappointed. Only poor Dr. S perished (Spoilers! Oh, too late? Sorry I’m new at this). Dr. S’ death means that Kevin scored 14 points while Jesse scored 13.
Now that the Pig Flu is over it seems like the group will be pretty safe for a few weeks. Also The Governor has returned! I look forward to his inevitable stare-down-to-the-death with Rick. Here are this week’s rankings.
(Note: Each week Jesse and I will rank the Walking Dead characters from least likely to die to most likely to die. If a character does perish then we earn points. For instance if Glenn dies this week then Jesse will have 4 points and I will have 5 points.)
- Judith – The only purpose Judith seems to serve is to allow Jesse to spoil Breaking Bad for me. You see, I am in the middle of Season 2 and Holly has yet to be born. So thanks Jesse. Now I know that Holly will actually be born. And that her name will be Holly. I might as well give up on the show now; there is no point in watching.
- Daryl – Why did I move Daddy Ass Kicker down? Just pure logic. Sure Judith is a defenseless baby but she doesn’t run into a horde of zombies every chance she gets. Daryl is constantly throwing himself into the hero role and it could conceivably catch up to him. It’s not likely, but very possible. Besides he is about to go searching for Mama Ass Kicker and knowing his history, he will probably do it alone.
- Maggie – Look she wears protective gear all the time now. So she is smart and good looking. I see her being safe for a while. At least physically. Emotionally she is going to be a wreck soon. So far she has been incredibly lucky. Her father is the only known survivor of a zombie infection. Her sister has sucked it up and would totally win Zombie Idol. And she found love in the darkest place. Something has to give soon.
- Car l- First of all, what an incredibly convenient place to have a Call of Duty stash of guns and ammo. Second of all, I thoroughly enjoyed watching Carl and Pops mow down the horde of walkers. Not because I get some strange satisfaction of classic zombie slaying. Actually I found it entertaining to observe how the characters were shooting the guns. Carl was underacting by simply standing completely still and shooting in the general area of the horde as nonchalant as possible. While Rick was overacting by constantly moving from a standing position to a squatting position back to standing all while cocking his head to adjust his view over and over again. The kid was acting like he has done this before while the dad was acting like a kid playing with guns. Classic.
- Glenn- Here is the biggest leap in my rankings. Glenn miraculously survived the Pig Flu and did it without his father-in-law sacrificing himself. Things are looking up for Glenn. I wish I had more to say on him but he hasn’t done much this season. For now he is safe.
- Rick – We all knew the Ricktatorship wasn’t going anywhere. First he ousted Carol and now it looks like he will have to find a new place for his group to survive. All while dealing with the return of the Governor. While Maggie and Herschel gave a pass to Rick for his decision to vote off Carol, I don’t see Daryl being too pleased with the blindside. I would love to see Daryl kick Rick’s ass and then run away with Little Ass Kicker but we know that won’t happen. What will happen is Daryl will get in Rick’s face (literally) while Rick yells something like, “I did what I had to do for the group to survive!” before Daryl grabs his crossbow, kisses Little Ass Kicker on the head and rides his bike into the forest alone. Rick will be down a good soldier but will manage to survive until their reunion at least.
- Beth – Poor Beth. Her life was so full of potential before the walkers. She could have won a crappy reality singing show. She could have played Luna Lovegood in an inevitable Harry Potter reboot. Instead she is trapped babysitting…in a jail…with her family surrounding her. Pretty boring situation for a teenager. I put her down the list a bit more considering she might get restless soon and do something reckless as bored teenagers do.
- Lizzie – She sure is safe until her “mom” comes back. She better start cozying up to Carl soon if she wants to inherit the Ricktatorship someday.
- Tyreese – Ok Tyreese you jumped up the list only because Sasha survived and there has to be some reason for that. You are like a first round pick that has yet to break through but still can’t be labeled a bust. At this point I don’t care if you break or bust. Just choose one so we can move on already!
- Sasha – I believe you have potential to be interesting Sasha, I really do. But for whatever reason you are attached to Tyreese. This is like a handcuff, wherever his story goes, you go. Maybe one of you would be far more interesting if the other one died. Unfortunately for you the writers have put less time in you than Tyreese (if that is possible) so I see you more likely to meet your fate soon.
- Carol – Alright the flu is over, the Governor is coming back and Carol is wandering around alone. She will survive long enough to meet up with the group again (or at least a subgroup of the group) but she has to be this low because she is alone in a world full of walkers.
- The Governor – The Governor is back! Do you have time to read a quick random thought? You do? Good! Okay here it is, I think The Governor should have been played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. What? No way you say? It makes perfect sense. First off Arnold is a former Governor. It would be hilarious for him to transition back to acting by playing a role called The Governor. Second of all it could have given the show a much needed boost during the third season. It could have been a lot like Danny Devito (ironically Arnold’s “twin”)being cast on Its Always Sunny in Philly. At first it makes no sense and is almost unnecessary. But then eventually it just makes perfect sense. A former big name actor takes a role on a TV show that seems ridiculous until it works. And then every week you are enjoying watching the Terminator in a land full of zombies. It boosts ratings, it could potentially reignite Arnold’s career and he could even give a few Easter Eggs to his fans (I.E. he could’ve said, “I’ll be back” at the end of season three in a gloriously cheesy moment). Plus as weird as it seems I think he could have pulled off the emotional story line of keeping his zombie daughter alive better than the current Governor. And he also could have been more charming so that the audience better understood Andrea’s obsession with him. Okay this has nothing to do with the current Governor’s death status. Look for that in Michonne’s section.
- Michonne – Alright back to business. I dropped Michonne pretty far here because The Governor is back. While Michonne is more skilled and more important to the show, I am going on a limb and saying she doesn’t survive their inevitable meeting. It seems much too easy for her to succeed in her revenge attempt. As for the Governor, he might survive Michonne but he won’t survive much longer after that. Someone in the group will take on the revenge role of Michonne and he will meet his end too.
- Super Cat (Herschel) – Dammit. Despite his best efforts Super Cat is still alive and well. Meanwhile I wrote a stupid joke last week about calling him Super Cat if he survives. Unfortunately I am a man of my word so the dumb joke stays. I also promised to not put him in the last spot again. So here he is, second to last. Super Cat managed to save others and be philosophical about it. He should be dead but he is a captivating character and one of the few consistent bright spots on the show. But logic says he can’t survive much longer. His family has been far too lucky. My bet is he doesn’t make it to the next location that the group will move to.
- Bob – Daryl threatened Bob that he better not take a sip of the juice until he does his business saving people’s lives. His help with ending the Pig Flu might get him a temporary reprieve but his alcoholism seems far too serious for him to successfully defeat. He knows Daryl’s rule is basically, “take a swig get a swing of fist” and yet I bet he is willing to risk it since he has nothing else to lose at this point.
- Carol – Bet you didn’t see this one coming, did ya? After nearly three and a half seasons, this show has developed a knack for putting characters in the spotlight for one episode and then leaving them out in the cold for nearly the rest of the season. In Carol’s case, this could happen quite literally, and the show spent too much time establishing her as a hardened survivor to turn around and kill her off so soon. I would be shocked if we even got to see her in the next episode, one that promises to be very Governor-centric, and hopefully that doesn’t mean it will be terrible as well.
- Daryl – There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Daryl will at least want to look for Carol, as Kevin very astutely pointed out, but if he does, what will that mean for his status in the group going forward? What if he doesn’t find her? If he does, will Rick remain steadfast in his decision and refuse to allow Daryl to return if Carol is with him? Will Carol even want to come back? The others may have been a little uneasy allowing Carol to stay, but I can’t imagine any of them will feel safe without Daryl around. Not to mention that life at the prison will become infinitely more boring for those of us watching.
- Judith – The only reason Judith moved up is because I put Carol at the bottom. If I had it my way, I’d just label my bottom three as 1a/1b/1c, but then if one of them just happened to die the scoring would be really confusing, and I just don’t want to deal with that.
- Glenn – I would give myself a pat on the back for calling this last week, where we would be genuinely concerned that Glenn was about to die even though he was definitely going to make it. However, for a second there I actually did think he was going to die, but then Herschel came around and saved his ass. Herschel, the same guy who was helping several other sick people and avoiding multiple walkers that were chasing him. Anyway, my logic this week is that anyone who was knocking on death’s door last time is pretty safe, but that’s it for me Glenn. I’m not buying instances of your impending doom anymore!
- Sasha – Ladies and gentleman, I present to you my worst ranking from last week! You were so damn close Sasha, and I really needed those 15 points to gain an early lead over Kevin, but no, you had to go and ruin that for me (Actually, I should blame Herschel for this, who somehow found time to tend to Sasha too. That man is the Jesus of the zombie apocalypse). Truthfully, I don’t really want her dead, but I’m surprised that she made it because I don’t really know where she is headed as a character. More importantly, I’m stunned that not a single black person has died yet.
- Carl – The more responsibilities that Carl inherits, the higher he is going to rise on my list, but there’s no stopping John Connor! It was pretty damn awesome seeing him so effortlessly handle that assault rifle and shred those walkers with his dad, but I just have one question – wouldn’t it have made more sense to whip out the guns before the fence was breached? I’m not the most seasoned Nazi Zombies player, but even I know that you always take out the zombies pulling down your barrier. What, did Carl not own a 360 or PS3 before the apocalypse? This has to be Lori’s fault.
- Maggie – One thing I like about this show now is that the characters rarely flip out when a walker gets the jump on them. Maggie ran into that cell block full of sick people, unaware if there were any walkers, and when one surprised her she immediately drew her gun and blew its freaking brains out. No hesitation, no fumbling for her weapon, just instant walker ownage. That’s what I’m talking about people! Of course, now that she’s been exposed to the Pig Flu there’s always the off-chance that she could get sick right as they run out of meds, or something stupid like that. The Walking Dead loves to mix moments of triumph with instances of excruciatingly unnecessary plotlines.
- Beth – I’m not really sure how Beth made it this far up my list, nor do I think she’s in any real danger. Actually, I know exactly how it happened, only Kevin beat me to the explanation. Just move on to Lizzie and stop looking at me.
- Lizzie – I really thought it would be a while before this kid freaked me out even more than she already has, but that was before she dipped her toe in that blood and looked all thoughtful about it. Hey Daryl, if you do decide to go hunt for Carol, can you take this demon spawn with you and, you know, leave her somewhere? Maybe on that one road that had a whole legion of walkers wandering around?
- Rick – I’m really happy we didn’t get an entire episode of Rick trying to convince people that he did the right thing. Been there, done that. And hey, I actually kind of liked the way he postponed his “talk” with Daryl. “Nah, screw pissing off the most lethal member of our group, let’s go pick some peas, Carl!” Procrastination at its finest. Rick’s climb up the ladder here can be attributed to the return of the Governor, which I will get to in just a bit.
- Tyreese – Okay, so Sasha didn’t die, which means Tyreese probably isn’t toughening up any time soon. On the other hand, now that she’s gonna make it, would it be too much to ask for the guy to cheer up a little bit and stop trying to get himself killed? It probably is, so for the time being Tyreese is staying in the top five. Sorry bub.
- Bob – Hey, Bob actually contributed to the group last week! He even gave Herschel a break and helped Glenn make it through the night. Of course, we already know some of his backstory and he has become somewhat helpful, which almost definitely means he is a dead man walking.
- The Governor – Well, we knew this was coming. With the Pig Flu seemingly no longer a threat, it was time to take care of some unfinished business. And this is off-topic, but if the Pig Flu has really run its course, it wasn’t nearly as terrible as it was built up to be. Sure, a lot of people died, including Patrick, Karen and Dr. S, but we didn’t know them very well and I can’t even name any of the other victims. Admit it, not a single character that you care about died from it, and I suppose that’s why the Governor is back. He’s here to take out more of our favorites, act all insane and bore us all to death. Rick and Michonne are probably at the top of his list and it would just feel kind of cheap if both of them evaded his wrath. My money is on Michonne meeting her end, but don’t be surprised if Rick is the one to perish instead. Actually, you should be very surprised if that happens!
- Michonne – If it wasn’t for Michonne’s grudge with the Governor, she would be safely nestled down near the bottom of my rankings. That being said, the Governor has wanted her dead for almost a year now and if he is worth his salt as a villain, then he will put down someone that we really care about. Interestingly enough, we just recently started to connect with Michonne, which is why it makes more sense for her to die now than it did in season 3. I just hope we learn more about Michonne before that happens, like her last name, for starters.
- Hershel – Is it me or does Hershel get more and more awesome with every episode? This guy was a one-man team last week and I don’t even care how unlikely it is that someone with a prosthetic leg could move that quickly. If I had to name my favorite character of season 4, I would probably go with ol’ graybeard and that’s why it totally blows that he’s not going to be around much longer. Hershel is the epitome of a sacrificial hero; he identified what was needed to beat the Pig Flu, he helped those who desperately needed it when no one else would lift a finger and then he held everything together when all hell was breaking loose. It goes back to that speech he gave a couple of episodes ago, when he said he was willing to risk his life for something as noble as saving lives. Hershel held up his end, and now I just don’t see how he can make it through the end of the season alive.