Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead rankings!

Every week Jesse and I provide rankings based on who we thought will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. We give ourselves points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Glenn dies this week then Kevin will have six points and Jesse will have seven points.

Last episode we had a bloodbath of a battle in Alexandria leading to numerous gruesome deaths. None of which were the characters we ranked last week. Because the writers hate this blog.

This week Kevin spends too much time figuring out which characters are the most like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Season Score: Jesse 0 Kevin 0

TV Spoilers below (no comic spoilers):

Kevin’s Rankings

1. Judith- Is Judith learning her ABC’s? I hope so because episode two was brought to us by the alphabet! We had JSS made of turtle bones, W’s marked on heads and a mysterious ‘A’ marked near Carol on the porch. This is like some sick twist on Sesame Street for Judith.
2. Daryl- Okay I have seen Daryl eat rabbits but I have never seen him go to town on a raw turtle like Enid did. Dude Daryl, Enid just raised the bar. Step up.
3. Carl- So did Carl just have an episode as a mini Rick? He started by catching his girl feeling up his friend Ron. And then an idiot comes up to him and asks Carl to teach him how to protect himself. And then Carl shoots an attacker, pauses to consider mercy, gets attacked and kills the attacker. Had Carl shot Ron in the head then this story line would have covered everything we covered in season one and two.
4. Morgan- Last week I was shipping Morgan and Carol (MorCarol). This week they have officially broken up. Relationships don’t last like they used to. Since that relationship will never work let’s move on. Morgan uses his stick like Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle right? In that case, who are the other turtles in this group? We have Rick as Leonardo obviously. He is the leader and no one really cares for him. Of course you could argue that Michonne is Leonardo because of her use of the sword. Hmm…But she has no desire to lead. Okay moving onto Raphael. We need someone who wants to overtake Rick as the leader. Anyone? No takers? Alright I gotta go back to the past and designate Shane as Raphael. He was mean, a good fighter and hated being second fiddle to Rick (Leonardo). It’s perfect. Or it would be had Leonardo shot Raphael in the head in the last Ninja Turtles movie. And finally we need a Michelangelo. A fan favorite who is still a skilled fighter and loves pizza. This is a tough battle between Glenn and Daryl. With Abe making a compelling argument. Daryl is the fan favorite without a doubt. But he is also humorless and quiet. Abe makes great quips, has orange hair and kicks a lot of ass. We don’t know if he loves pizza but we know he loves booze so that could work. And finally, my choice, Glenn. He delivered pizza in his past life, no one ever says anything bad about him and he kicks a lot of ass. And just to finish this overly long metaphor, Herschel is definitely Splinter and The Governor is Shredder. So there you have it. Rick, Shane, Morgan and Glenn are your Middle Age Mutant Zombie Turtles. Just watch out for Enid, she might eat you.
5. Maggie- The young politician is taking the old politician under her wing. And like every good politicians they are breaking ground on new land. Except this time the politicians were actually doing the digging!
6. Glenn- A Glenn-less episode this week. Oh well, at least your wife kicked some ass.
7. Rick- No sign of Rick in this episode. If Morgan could make it back to help everyone in time then where was Rick? No bother, we had Mini Rick doing his best Rick impression.
8. Carol- Okay I am angry at you for breaking up MorCarol but I will put that on hold for a moment because I am busy ordering my Mercenary Carol Action Figure. Seriously how cool did Carol look in her ‘W’ get up. It was a mix of Assassin’s Creed and this guy from Resident Evil 4. Keep this look Carol. It’s perfect.
9. Jessie- Two things. Don’t take it too hard that your kid didn’t want a haircut. I hate talking to my haircut lady at Sports Clips too. It’s a guy thing. And secondly, she might have looked crazy when she was murdering the intruder but that’s what you would look like too, if you were protecting your kids.
10. Rosita- You said something this episode and I could barely make it out. I think it was “…makes sure you got something to die for.” Well okay, thanks.
11. Eugene- Okay my heart is healed from the breakup of MorCarol. I have now moved onto Eunise! Eugene seems to like the new “doctor” Denise and I approve of this pairing. Maybe his pal Tara will teach him a few things about hitting on women next week.
12. Denise- Okay I might regret adding you but whatever this list is long as it is. I hope you dig a man with a mullet because word on the street is he is into people pretending they are something they are not.
13. Michonne- I don’t want to cause too much alarm but have we seen Michonne since Morgan accused her of stealing his peanut butter protein bar? Just saying…
14. Abraham- Next week on The Walking Dead…Abe is still riding shotgun in a car going 2 MPH…tune in.
15. Tara- Dude Tara I have so many bones to pick with you. And not turtle bones! First of all, you didn’t remember Denise’s name. I thought you would have learned from no one remembering your name! Next, you accuse the non surgeon Denise of being a coward for not performing surgery. What? You are as prepared to perform surgery as Denise is. Why don’t you do it? And finally, as Denise needs some time alone because she failed at performing the surgery you forced her to do, you tell Denise, “You tried…make sure you get the brain” as you leave. Have you no empathy? Damn girl.
16. Nicholas- Hey Jesse, Nicholas is the guy that Glenn won’t kill and is stuck with. Stop asking.
17. Enid- Before she revealed what JSS meant I was hoping for “Just Survive, Stupid” I was so so close. I really think the writers should reconsider my idea.
18. Aaron/Eric- Hey! One of you (Aaron?) fought some people and found some pics! And the other, I think, was is the operating room during surgery. Congrats guys! You made it back on the screen!
19. Sasha- She was too busy driving a car slowly to show up for this episode.
20. Father Gabriel- Hmm, the Father is asking for a second chance. A shot at redemption. Someone to forgive his sins and teach him a new way. Just pointing that out.
21. Heath- I added you to this list last week thinking that this week we would clear some space. Nope. This list just gets longer and longer.
22. Deanna- She is unlike any politician I have ever seen. In that, she hardly says anything when the cameras are on he

Jesse’s Rankings

1. Judith
2. Rick
3. Daryl
4. John Connor Carl
5. Morgan
6. Maggie
7. Glenn
8. Carol
9. Abraham
10. Michonne
11. Jessie
12. Denise
13. Enid
14. Rosita
15. Aaron/Eric
16. Eugene
17. Sasha
18. Tara
19. Nicholas
20. Heath
21. Deanna
22. Father Gabriel