Welcome back to Pegboards’ Walking Dead rankings!

Every week Jesse and I provide rankings based on who we thought will die next. The further down the list, the more likely they are to die. We give ourselves points based on where the character is on our list. For instance, if Glenn dies this week then Kevin will have six points and Jesse will have seven points.

Last week Carter died a vicious death which led a whopping zero points each for Jesse and Kevin. What do you expect? We rank over 20 people every week, we can’t get to them all.

This week Kevin ships Morgan and Carol and writes a poem for Enid. Meanwhile, Jesse vehemently denies accusations that he is a stalker. Good times!

Season Score: Jesse 0 Kevin 0

TV Spoilers below (no comic spoilers):

Kevin’s Rankings

1. Judith- We had a Judith sighting last episode! And she is still the most boring Lil Ass Kicker in existence!
2. Daryl- Aww yeah Daryl, you ride that motorcycle at 2 MPH you badass. And without a helmet! What a daredevil.
3. Carl- Oh man, I don’t know who is more excited that Enid touched Carl’s hand. Carl who is hitting puberty and hasn’t touched a girl yet or Jesse who has been waiting for this moment for 6 seasons now. I’m pretty sure that creepy kid watching them in the bushes was actually Jesse.
4. Morgan- You are starting to confuse me man. Do you agree with Rick’s lifestyle or don’t you? You talk to him like you understand him and then you mean mug him every time he kills a threat. I’ll just ignore that for now and give you props for seeing through Carol’s charade. I am totally shipping you and Carol now. Cargan? Morol? MorCarol! It’s perfect.
5. Maggie- So Maggie rushes into the hospital room to Tara’s bedside to check on her. And Tara has to tell her to check on Maggie’s bleeding husband! What?! When did Maggie get so close to Tara that she checks on her first and ignores Glenn? Should Glenn be worried that Maggie is playing for the other team?
6. Glenn- “I should be delivering pizza”. I wish Glenn was a superhero. That would totally be his catchphrase.
7. Rick- He seems more calm than ever now. And everyone has kind of stopped resisting his ways. I do feel like his plan to move all of the walkers was a bit over the top. It looked cool but why didn’t they just reinforce the trucks with some of the walls they built? Whatever Rick, you just keep doing you.
8. Carol- MorCarol serves two purposes in case you missed it. It gets some sweet loving between these two fan favorites and it demands more of our favorite ass kicker. Meanwhile, why is Carol acting like a sweet house mom still? Rick has charge of everyone now. Can’t she kill it?
9. Jessie- Pretty badass yourself Jessie. You don’t condemn the man who killed your husband but you don’t run into his arms either. And you stand up for your kid and take responsibility for their actions. You are far too logical and genuine for this show.
10. Enid- Roses are red, blood is too, some creepy guy in the bush is out to get you.
11. Rosita- Sasha might be moving in on your man Abe, Rosita. You better stop worrying about Tara and keep an eye on her!
12. Eugene- How are you not loathed by everyone? In fact you are damn entertaining. Of course you are all about your hair and no one ever sees past it.
13. Michonne- SHE STOLE A PEANUT BUTTER PROTEIN BAR EVERYONE! What is this? Survivor? Is Morgan going to lead a blindside against Michonne? DON’T DO IT MORGAN, YOU NEED HER STRENGTH IN CHALLENGES ZOMBIE WHOOPING.
14. Abraham- Abe is getting trashed, sees Sasha, offers her a shot and then gives the peace sign. What a pick up move am I right ladies?
15. Tara- Hmm you seem to be everyone’s favorite in the group but the audience doesn’t seem to care about you. You did have a great line about Eugene’s hair. So good job?
16. Heath- I want you higher because you seem like a cool guy. But I’m not sure there is enough room for both Eugene’s and your hair in this small town.
17. Nicholas- The good thing about you Nicholas is you give something for Glenn to do. And what Glenn is doing is letting you live. That’s how thrilling you are. You are interesting because you still exist.
18. Aaron/Eric- I swear I saw these two standing in the back of the room. I promise.
19. Sasha- She is an adrenaline junky right now. What a time to be alive and to be an adrenaline junkie. Apparently driving 2 MPH really gets her juices flowing.
20. Deanna- She shut down Father Gabriel, she buried her husband’s murderer outside of the walls and she has given control to Rick. All interesting stuff but no good material for me to make fun of her for.
21. Father Gabriel- You got shut down by Deanna and Rick! “You were wrong” and “No, not you” were the words spoken to you this episode. Everyone is done with your shit so lets just get this kill over with already.

Jesse’s Rankings

1. Judith – Here Judith, meet Morgan. He went crazy after his son died and likes to polish the staff that he kills walkers with, but other than that he’s a great guy. So don’t freak out when he holds you for a minute.
2. Rick – It wouldn’t be the newest season of The Walking Dead if Rick wasn’t coming up with some sort of plan. Welcome back.
3. Daryl – I’m stealing this from a gif but I don’t care. Those weren’t walkers Daryl was riding away from, just his fan club.
4. John Connor Carl – What’s that? You want to know how I got that scratch on my arm? Well it wasn’t from hiding in a bush watching Carl and Enid, if that’s what you were thinking. What’s that? You heard that from Kevin? I’ll kill him!
5. Morgan – Whatever you do, do not eat one of this man’s protein bars. Do anything else, but don’t touch those. Especially not one of the peanut butter bars. Just don’t do it.
6. Maggie – When your husband shows up covered in blood, this is the kind of thing you sweep under the rug when you’re trying to win an election. I’m just saying.
7. Glenn – Love how Glenn wants nothing to do with Nicholas but then always winds up having to work with Nicholas. I hate it when that happens! Can I mercilessly assault the people at my work who I want nothing to do with? Go for it you say? Alright!
8. Carol – That’s one pretty cool Morgan/Carol scene. More please.
9. Abraham – Sheamus has a sweet tooth man. First he was helping himself to the brown sugar, now he’s eyeballing the chocolate. You know, because one girl is hispanic and the other is black?… I’ll show myself out.
10. Michonne – Damn it Michonne, not the protein bars! What did I just say?!!
11. Jessie – Huh. You handled the Rick situation pretty rationally and conducted yourself like an adult. You sure you’re on the right show, Jessie?
12. Enid – Jesus, how many times do I have to say it? I wasn’t the guy in the bush alright! Sheesh.
13. Rosita – Silly Rosita. Tara has had her eye on you since she first met you. Don’t you know this is just all part of her master plan? Get some sympathy from you and then make her move? Wake up.
14. Aaron/Eric – Hey guys, you’re still part of this show. Just because there are a million characters to squeeze in each episode doesn’t mean you get to just stand around and say nothing. It’s good work if you can get it though.
15. Eugene – For a guy who prides himself on being this great con artist, that was a pretty lame cover-up after you got caught man.
16. Sasha – Not having any of Sheamus’ game, huh? I mean I get that he’s no Bob, but that peace sign was gold, girl. Come on.
17. Tara – I felt kind of bad because I forgot that you got hurt at the end of last season. I mean, kind of. Not really.
18. Nicholas – Your presence on this show is a huge annoyance for Kevin. I keep forgetting who you are and he has to remind me. If you don’t die soon, he’s going to snap. Just get on with it man.
19. Heath – I’m not going to kill you. Just beat your ass. That’s the black guy version of Jared Leto’s line as the Joker in the last Suicide Squad trailer.
20. Deanna – Oh boy. She’s really doing it you guys. She’s trusting Rick to run everything. Watch this whole town go up in flames in the next episode.
21. Father Gabriel – When you act like a douchebag, you get treated like one. That is a key adage to life that I just made up.