Oh nothing brings me more joy than pandering. And that is what 32 former Survivor contestants are doing right now. They are pandering, begging, and pleading to get your votes for Survivor: Second Chance. Meanwhile, us the fans are enjoying all of the attention. Maybe a bit too much.

Twitter, Reddit, Facebook, Survivor Sucks, and Podcasts have been bombarding us fans with interviews, posts, AMAs, retweets, videos, and campaign photos. We are at maximum overload of Survivor Meta. It is almost too much.

But what good blogger wouldn’t use this time to take advantage of these poor desperate people? And how cool is it to be a Survivor fan right now? This has to be one of the most fun and rewarding things the show has given us and I could not be more excited.

So take a jump with me to see my ballot as I suck a few kneecaps and pander to the pandering. And check out my male ballot here.

Females

Must Haves:

Ciera– Oh I jumped on the Ciera bandwagon way before it was cool. I kid you not I called her returning for another season in episode one of Blood Vs Water! Alright maybe I am voting for her because I have a strange little crush on her. Or maybe I am voting for her because she forced Tyson to put his game on the line with a rock draw. Sure Hayden set it up but Ciera executed it and was so very close to changing the game completely. We have to reward her for that.

Kass– Are you kidding me? Maybe my favorite female contestant since Denise. Sure she probably can’t change her crappy social game to stand a chance this season but who cares? She is entertaining as hell, she does not back down and I still believe she made the right move in Cagayan. In fact had Spencer or Tasha been willing to work with her after her flip (like she was allegedly open to) then the Brains would have dominated the season.

She is a unique and strong woman who brings the entertainment. We have to reward that.

Shirin– Talk about flip-flopping my opinion. When the season started I knew Shirin would be a star and for that reason I shied away from her. She was just too good to be true. A quirky superfan basking in all the meta glory of being on Survivor. Plus she is a RHAP listener and she sucked his kneecaps in her bio? Come on too good to be true.

As the season went I had an unexplainable fondness for her. As others hated her more I loved her more. Maybe I like the underdog? Either way she faced some of the most emotional circumstances this season and now she is using that to stand up against domestic abuse. She deserves our support.

Kelly– I was 10 when Survivor premiered. For whatever reason my parents convinced me to start watching it right away and I have never missed an episode since. Flash forward 15 years and Survivor is still my number one show. I am dying to watch this girl come back. She was 22 in her first season and is now 37. At age 22 she was one vote away from being the first Sole Survivor. The ‘what if’ scenarios are so fun to think about. Sure she might not have stayed current with the show and it might prove to be too much for her. But it is a fascinating experiment that I think we need to see.

T-Bird– Well she has my vote because she is the only Survivor following me on twitter! No but seriously T-Bird is beyond awesome. She has so much enthusiasm for the show and she is a star. Pure entertainment. And she, like Kelly, played so long ago that I would be fascinated to watch the evolution. Unlike Kelly I believe T-Bird actually has a shot to win this thing.

The Eh Why Nots?:

Peih-Gee– I loved Survivor China and I still think it’s a tragedy that Todd hasn’t been back. Peih-Gee on the other hand? She didn’t leave a great impression in my mind. But she has stayed active in the Survivor Online community and I feel like she has some potential to do dangerous things.

Abi-Maria– She is remembered as a villain but when I look back she wasn’t really that mean. She was more of a menace and I found it entertaining. I have always been on Abi’s side with her feud with RC and I am so grateful that RC is not in the running for this season. She is a fire cracker and I think she was humbled by her first experience.

Tasha– I am not as enamored with Tasha Fox as most of the fans but she did earn my respect with her immunity wins and her campaigning for Miss Survivor for RHAP. She seems like a great person that will just have fun and will be a great underdog to root for.

The Their Campaigning Convinced Me:

Monica– Not so much her campaigning but her video on CBS.com. She slayed that video and instantly forced me to vote for her. I knew I was going to have to vote for either her, Natalie, Mikayla or Stephanie and honestly it seems like Monica wants it the most. I hardly remember her game in Samoa but she seems fiesty enough to have some potential.

Kelley– I am as shocked as you are. I liked Kelley enough last season but during her run for Miss Survivor I was pretty underwhelmed. Well she has learned from those mistakes and she is killing it now. She didn’t get a chance to play the game because of a bad tribe swap and I would love to see if she has any tricks up her sleeve. Still not convinced? Just watch this and you’ll know what to do.

Rejects

Just Plain No:

Sabrina– Sorry girl but I loved Kim and I loved Chelsea. During your season I was distracted by those two and I didn’t really have time for you. I still don’t understand why you got more votes than Chelsea. Really I just don’t think you could do any better than before and there is not much entertainment value.

Why?:

Natalie, Stephanie, Mikayla– You are all extremely attractive and I sense some potential in the three of you but it is not enough to beat out the other women on this list. I suspect one of you will make an appearance in the future.

Kimmi– Come on, I love old school players but of all the ones available you land on Kimmi? Sure she might have some fire with Varner but otherwise who has been clamoring for Kimmi to come back?

Bubble:

Carolyn– I like you and Mike but I have a feeling one of you is a red herring and I don’t want to waste my vote taking that risk. Under other circumstances you would definitely have my vote.