Category Archives: Archive

Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 14

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Welcome back for another round of Power Ranking Ramblings! The rankings that we crank out every week are identical in order to the nonsensical ones that ESPN spews out every week. This is partly because creating power rankings from scratch is a painstakingly lengthy process and Kevin gave me the death glare when I suggested that we come up with our own. However, the main reason we do it that way is because ESPN’s rankings are… well, they are just awful. You will seldom come across something as overly biased and ill-conceived as ESPN’s opinion on who the best teams in the league are. And it’s a lot of fun to call them out on this, so the point of our rankings is to rip on ESPN’s version as much as possible.

Or at least that’s how it started. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but it’s been a fairly abysmal year for the NFL. Bad officiating, bad games and most importantly, bad teams. There are three squads in each conference who have a legitimate shot at winning the Super Bowl, and after that it’s a whole bunch of meh. So while making fun of the Worldwide Leader in Sports and its rampant stupidity is always a good time, we can scarcely allow the league’s overall mediocrity to skid by unscathed.

For those of you out there who refuse to believe that ESPN is really this dumb, you can see for yourself here…

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/18214694/nfl-2016-week-14-power-rankings-dallas-cowboys-new-england-patriots-oakland-raiders

…and then our version will be waiting for you when you get back. Like an early Christmas present!

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Depleted Nuggets Can’t Get Out of their Own Way

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About a month ago, I predicted that this would be the year that the Denver Nuggets made it back to the playoffs. That despite their stacked division and the absence of a star, this would be the year that Michael Malone started to make good on the promise of his talented young roster.

About a quarter of the way through the season, you would probably look at the Nuggets’ 8-13 record and guffaw. “Playoffs?! Don’t talk about playoffs, Jesse! Not when it comes to the Nuggets!”

I’ll admit, things haven’t started out as well as I’d hoped they would. Maybe I oversold the Nuggets’ chances or I’m just a supremely bad judge of the sort of components that comprise a winning basketball team (the latter could always be true). However, though the 2016-17 voyage has been rocky thus far for the hometown team, I believe that the flaws that are currently holding them down can be erased sooner rather than later. Let’s go over those and I’ll tell you why.

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Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 13

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Welcome back for another round of Power Ranking Ramblings! The rankings that we crank out every week are identical in order to the nonsensical ones that ESPN spews out every week. This is partly because creating power rankings from scratch is a painstakingly lengthy process and Kevin gave me the death glare when I suggested that we come up with our own. However, the main reason we do it that way is because ESPN’s rankings are… well, they are just awful. You will seldom come across something as overly biased and ill-conceived as ESPN’s opinion on who the best teams in the league are. And it’s a lot of fun to call them out on this, so the point of our rankings is to rip on ESPN’s version as much as possible.

Or at least that’s how it started. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but it’s been a fairly abysmal year for the NFL. Bad officiating, bad games and most importantly, bad teams. There are three squads in each conference who have a legitimate shot at winning the Super Bowl, and after that it’s a whole bunch of meh. So while making fun of the Worldwide Leader in Sports and its rampant stupidity is always a good time, we can scarcely allow the league’s overall mediocrity to skid by unscathed.

As usual, in case you want to confirm that we are in no way fabricating these rankings just to make ESPN look bad, you can take a look at theirs first…

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/18150681/nfl-2016-week-13-power-rankings-dallas-cowboys-oakland-raiders-new-england-patriots

…but only if you come back and read ours. We’re starving writers, man. We need as many hits as we can get!

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Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 12

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When Kevin and I started rambling about ESPN’s NFL Power Rankings, we had a very specific idea for what we wanted to do. The problem is I’m not sure that I ever made what we were doing all that clear and lately there’s been some confusion. Allow me to take a moment to illuminate everyone who isn’t quite sure what the purpose of our rankings are.

The rankings that we crank out every week are identical in order to the nonsensical ones that ESPN spews out every week. This is partly because creating power rankings from scratch is a painstakingly lengthy process and Kevin gave me the death glare when I suggested that we come up with our own. However, the main reason we do it that way is because ESPN’s rankings are… well, they are just awful. You will seldom come across something as overly biased and ill-conceived as ESPN’s opinion on who the best teams in the league are. And it’s a lot of fun to call them out on this, so the point of our rankings is to rip on ESPN’s version as much as possible.

Or at least that’s how it started. I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but it’s been a fairly abysmal year for the NFL. Bad officiating, bad games and most importantly, bad teams. There are three squads in each conference who have a legitimate shot at winning the Super Bowl, and after that it’s a whole bunch of meh. So while making fun of the Worldwide Leader in Sports and its rampant stupidity is always a good time, we can scarcely allow the league’s overall mediocrity to skid by unscathed.

Just in case you want to verify that we didn’t alter one spot on ESPN’s gleeful rundown of the teams it loves and hates, you can check out their rankings here…

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/18094746/nfl-2016-week-12-power-rankings-dallas-cowboys-seattle-seahawks-new-england-patriots

…and then ours will seem even more entertaining to you. It’s Thanksgiving after all and if we can make you laugh or even force a slight grin, that’s a win for us. Enjoy.

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Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 11

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Welcome back to another edition of our Power Ranking Ramblings. It’s been a weird season, everyone, and it doesn’t appear that we are going to see a return to normalcy anytime soon. Dallas and Oakland are two of the league’s best teams? There’s a game in Mexico City this week? Jeff Fisher is finally playing the top overall pick even though Case Keenum would definitely get the Rams to 7-9? Crazy I tell ya!

Kevin and I don’t understand it any more than you do, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to stop rambling about how awful both the league as a whole and ESPN’s power rankings have been this year. As always, you can double check to make sure we aren’t making any of this up…

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/18044652/nfl-2016-week-11-power-rankings-dallas-cowboys-seattle-seahawks-new-england-patriots

…and then see if you like our version better. Thanks for reading!

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Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 10

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Whatever your thoughts on the election, we can all agree that our Power Ranking Ramblings are always a good time, right? By that I mean that Kevin and I always have a good time writing them. Whether anyone other than us is entertained is a mystery. Nevertheless, here are ESPN’s Power Rankings…

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/17993973/nfl-2016-week-10-power-rankings-new-england-patriots-oakland-raiders-dallas-cowboys

…and here are our ramblings. Our hilarious, insightful and relevant ramblings.

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Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 9

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Here’s the thing. Kevin and I both stayed up late last night to watch the Indians blow a 3-1 lead Cubs win the World Series, and we’re both pretty tired today. The fact that we even got these rankings to you before the Thursday Night Game is nothing short of a miracle. So I hope you forgive us if we don’t even really pretend to offer any real analysis this week. We pretty much spend the whole article giving ESPN a hard time. Without further adieu…

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/17931127/nfl-2016-week-9-power-rankings-new-england-patriots-dallas-cowboys-denver-broncos

…let the roast begin!

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Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 8

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One thing that has been universally true since we started these rankings: ESPN loves the Cardinals and Seahawks. Loves them. They must’ve been so torn last week when those two played, but were probably the only ones excited when the game ended a tie. That was like the best of both worlds for ESPN. You can check it out for yourself in this week’s rankings if you want…

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/17869586/nfl-2016-week-8-power-rankings-new-england-patriots-seattle-seahawks-denver-broncos

…or you can just take our word for it. Your call dude.

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Nuggets Are Primed to Shock the Basketball World (And Probably You)

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A few years ago, I bought NBA 2K13 and Kevin and I started an Association Mode with his brother-in-law Josh. We wanted to play as the Denver Nuggets, but even more importantly wanted to have a star player on the team. Unable to swing a trade in the game without the computer completely pilfering all of our talent, I simply changed the rosters so that James Harden was on the Nuggets (2K13 came out just after Harden was dealt to Houston and before the whole world found out that he doesn’t play defense). We embarked on an odyssey that saw our team claim four straight championships and establish a modern day dynasty. Alright, maybe we didn’t change the difficulty until year two or three, but that’s beside the point.

If all of that sounds rather corny, then it was the best kind of corny. When your favorite team doesn’t have a star or even a clue in real life, you know that you’re never going to see them hoist Larry O’Brien. You’re still intrigued by the drama of the playoffs and admire from afar when Lebron James finally gets Cleveland to the promised land, but it’s not your team basking in the champagne and the confetti. It’s just not the same. That’s why playing out the fantasy of the Nuggets actually being relevant in the landscape of the NBA was so satisfying. More than any of my teams, I want them to be the next one to break through that glass ceiling.

And I honestly can’t tell you why I care so much about the Nuggets. Sure, they’ve been around for 50 years but have never even advanced to the NBA Finals. Denver isn’t a particularly lucrative basketball market and the last time it had a star, Carmelo Anthony wanted to leave so bad he was willing to fade into obscurity with the Knicks just so he could get away. Most importantly, to say that I personally lack game is an understatement. The bricks that I put up when I’m foolish enough to take shots are an insult to actual bricks. Much like dating, there is often no rational reason for why you fall in love with a certain team. It just happens.

The point of all this is that the Nuggets start their 2016-17 season tonight and I’m here to make you a promise. Maybe I’m losing my mind (always a possibility) or maybe I have my blinders on, but here it is: I promise that the Nuggets will be back in the playoffs this season. Not only will they be back, but they’ll be well-equipped to be a real nuisance once they get there. You read that right. If you don’t think I’m a complete lunatic, hit the jump and I’ll explain.

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Power Ranking Ramblings: Week 7

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Our rankings come to you at a point when the Indians are playing the Cubs in the World Series. What a time to be alive.

http://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/17813507/nfl-2016-week-7-power-rankings-new-england-patriots-minnesota-vikings-seattle-seahawks

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